


Heartbreaker

by jade_lil



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, Breaking Up & Making Up, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-05-18 18:57:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 37,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5939647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jade_lil/pseuds/jade_lil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wants Ohno back; he wants everything they have, before he fucked up, all of them back that it is clearly taking away his ability to think straight. He wants to pick up where they’ve left off, but knows that by doing it, he is obviously going to violate every single rule written on every post-break up book, if he hasn’t already.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He adjusts his baseball cap low enough to cover the top half of his face just as he stepped out of the elevator, keeping his head low despite the fact that the chances of him bumping into anyone at this hour is close to impossible anyway.   
  
It’s only two in the afternoon, afterall and he’s been here countless of times (and had lived here for more than half a year even) to know that the apartment building is mostly empty during the day. People who live here _don’t_ actually _live_ here – most of them had simply rented an apartment here just so they will have a place to spend the night in (or a few days at the most) if they happen to be in the city for business or something else.  
  
It’s outrageous, he thought then, shelling out money for a place you have no plans on staying over for long periods of time anyway, and he still thinks it is outrageous now. But then again, people who have access to unlimited wealth are probably like that, just because they have money to burn and they care so little about how and where they spend it.   
  
He shakes himself out of daze, realizing belatedly that he is already standing at the front of Ohno’s apartment door. Balancing the two bags of groceries on his other hand, he fishes around for the spare key to the front door of Ohno’s apartment and slides it into the knob to unlock it, pushing the door open and letting himself in.  
  
  
+  
  
The first he sees is the pile of dirty laundry taking residence at one side of Ohno’s couch and on those others – shirts, boxers, socks – lying haphazardly around, before his gaze rivets to the empty take-out boxes leaning against the coffee table.  
  
He blinks and blinks again, wondering how Ohno manages to live around this filth littering his apartment but he figures that’s probably why he’s coming over here once every two weeks for. To clean Ohno’s filth for him, to cook him food he knows Ohno never get around to cook for himself, to do his laundry, to throw Ohno’s garbage out for him.  
  
He heaves a sigh and walks towards the counter separating the living room to the dining area, careful not to step on to anything valuable like Ohno’s remote controlled cars, paintbrushes and color pencils to drop the grocery bags there before he remembers to pocket his keys.  
  
He heaves another sigh and scowls when his gaze finds the sink is overflowing with unwashed plates and glasses, not to mention the amount of empty cans of Kirin sitting there.  
  
“ – the hell,” he grunts to himself as he tugs his jacket off and throws it into a nearby chair as he sets off to work.  
  
  
  
+  
  
  
Two and a half hours later, he finds himself slumped back on the relatively clean and empty-of-filth couch with a heavy sigh, swiping the sweat matting his forehead and eyeing the whole place with a tired smile, content to just lie around for now and eye his work.   
  
The floor is clean now – all of Ohno’s remote controlled toys are back to their respective boxes, as are Ohno’s art stuffs. He’s on the last batch of laundry now too; the katsu curry he managed to cook while waiting for the first batches of laundry to finish is also done, carefully covered on the stove, the rice probably in about a few minutes or so, too.  
  
He fishes around for his phone to check the time, squinting at it before he remembers he has to message Ohno, if only to remind the older man to stop living like a pig (because obviously, he’s not one) even though what he wants to say (and have always thought he’d say, maybe not today but soon) is “This is the last time I’ll come over to clean your filth for you so try to live like a normal person and clean after yourself, you pig!”   
  
He doesn’t, though, at least not yet, not now. He finds himself finding Ohno’s  name on his VIP contact list, thumbing the NEW MESSAGE icon and leaving it open thinking of what to say as he leans back against the cushion and closes his eyes for a moment.  
  
When he came to, he realizes he is not alone anymore.  
  
Ohno is there, sitting on the space on the floor near the couch, head leaned back against the couch’s arm, his hair almost touching the tips of Nino’s fingers. Ohno’s eyes are close and his mouth slightly parted, and he knows that if he just leans in he’ll feel the little puffs of air coming out from Ohno’s lips against his face.  
  
He doesn’t though, despite the fact that the urge is so strong now he’s barely able to resist it, biting his tongue and breathing hard so as to calm himself, so as to swallow this debilitating need to touch Ohno knowing that he doesn’t have any right to anymore.  
  
Still it doesn’t stop him from staring. He stares and stares until his eyes hurt, until the familiar twist in his chest is so overwhelmingly painful he has to close his eyes and rub the spot where his heart is thundering underneath.   
  
When the ache is at least bearable, he straightens up, breathes the air back into his lungs and says, “If you woke up with a horrible backache, don’t blame me, alright?” loud enough to wake the dead but as it is, Ohno barely stirs.  
  
There’s that familiar ache twisting in his chest again that makes even the simplest thing as breathing difficult, finds himself clawing his fingers into fists, digging his fingernails into his skin if only to keep himself from reaching over and touching Ohno’s face.  
  
Ohno’s eyes open then and he barely has time to recollect himself, barely able to back right up before he finds himself a lapful of purring Ohno, his skin tingling at the sight of Ohno digging his nose straight into the fabric of his shirt the moment Ohno’s head settles on top of his lap.  
  
He grunts, faking annoyance, if only to cover up the way his breath lodges in his throat as he blinks the moisture threatens to blind his eyes then.  
  
“Just so you know, I’m not a bed or a pillow,” he says, grateful for the way his voice doesn’t waver or shake even though the rest of him sure is, as he reaches down to tweak Ohno’s ear.  
  
“No,” agrees Ohno, shifting further into his lap that the gesture alone is enough to make him cry, "you're way comfortable than those and that's why you're expensive," follows Ohno, and Nino knows that if he doesn’t push Ohno away now, he might probably really end up crying.   
  
But before he can do that, Ohno is shifting to bury his face into the fabric of his shirt again, breathing deeply and almost noisily and he finds his hands moving on their own accord, worming their way to the back of Ohno’s neck to keep him in place. Ohno hums in response – familiar and needy – and his heart does that jumping thing it is used to performing whenever Ohno is near inside his chest that it’s almost unbearable.  
  
"I wonder when you will stop living like a pig," he finds himself muttering though his eyes are glued on Ohno’s face – at least the part where is still visible from being buried against Nino’s shirt, "you live in filth; I'm surprised you can still navigate around here without tripping and instantly dying,"  
  
Ohno huffs out a breath then, and he feels it seeping through the thin fabric of his shirt and Nino feels like sobbing.   
  
"I have my personal maid who comes over every week to clean and cook me dinner anyway, why should I bother?" says Ohno and Nino’s heart breaks again without him knowing why.  
  
“Right,” he agrees, because what else is there but this? Ohno is pulling himself upright at the same time he himself is, too, swallowing the bitter-aftertaste of regret and of so many other things knowing that he can never be anything more to Ohno now other than the one who is trying to make things right by slaving himself to the man he is still head over heels in love with.  
  
He stands up on wobbly legs, gaze darting between Ohno and the couch  - the couch he had bought on a whim a week after he moved in with Ohno – and knows that he has to go now before he ends up begging Ohno for something else.  
  
"Don't put the food in the fridge unless it's cold, you stupid and do your laundry," he says, turning back towards the door but not before he is sure he has grabbed his phone, his keys, and his jacket on the way there, vaguely aware of Ohno following as he goes straight to the door.  
  
“Well, I’m going,” he says, doesn’t dare look back despite the urge, slipping into his shoes before he opens the door, slips out and closes it firmly behind him.  
  
+  
  
He hasn’t even managed to reach the corner and his knees are already about to give out, his chest constricting in a way that he supposed he’s used to by now but he clearly hasn’t. The pain is doubling on its own with every goddamn step he’s taking, wonders if with every single one, it’s taking him as far away from Ohno as possible no matter how much he wants to stop walking.  
  
He doesn’t bother taking the elevator down and just goes straight to the emergency exit door, opening and closing it as quickly as he could before his body collapses into a shaking, messy heap on the floor, burrowing his face onto his hands as he cries.  
  
It’s stupid, really, to cry over this when he knows he’s the one at fault – everything is his fault and now he’s the one earning the blunt of it. It doesn’t matter that he’s trying to work his way back to being Ohno’s friend by doing something wholly idiotic, such as popping up at Ohno’s place to clean and cook him dinner, but in the end, he knows that’s not the only thing he’s after.  
  
He wants Ohno back; he wants everything they have, before he fucked up, all of them back that it is clearly taking away his ability to think straight. He wants to pick up where they’ve left off, but knows that by doing it, he is obviously going to violate every single rule written on the post-break up book (and wonders if he hasn’t already) because he’s just that stupid. He left when Ohno said he should stay, to maybe fix the mess he made himself but he did the opposite; should have apologized instead of walking away because his pride and his goddamn conscience were both struggling to comprehend then as to why Ohno chose to forgive him instead of just punching him repeatedly in the face for cheating.  
  
Now, a year after, he wants it all back; surely, something’s got to give, and he thinks it is pretty obvious that one of these days, Ohno is going to snap and he will tell him to just leave the keys to his apartment and to never come back. He doesn’t know if he’s waiting for it, for the inevitable day Ohno will tell him to fuck off and leave the older man alone or if he’s going to be strong enough not to break down and beg Ohno for another chance if that happens. But before it does, he hopes he’d have the brains to stop all his nonsense crap and walk away before Ohno personally tells him to.   
  
Maybe, that is what he needs and the exact same thing Ohno had willingly offered the night he confessed his mistakes – a second chance -- another chance to make things right because obviously, he’s made a mess of things when he knows, even then, how lucky he was to have Ohno. He’s not even sure then why he did it, sleeping with someone else when all he ever wanted was Ohno. He even realized it then, soon after he’s done with it, remembered feeling so sick that it was obviously didn’t have anything to do with the few sake shots he consumed earlier.  
  
He fucked another guy and the feeling didn’t even fair half as much as how he usually felt when he did it with Ohno, and right then and there, he knew he had just fucked everything up.  
  
It might be easier to just say it, to ask for another chance but he knows, more than anything, that he can’t do it. He’d hurt Ohno, more so than what Ohno chose to let on and if that isn’t reason enough to swallow his hopes down, he doesn’t know what else will.   
  
And maybe, the fact that even after all that, he doesn’t really know what Ohno truly feels for him. Neither of them talked about the big F word, afterall, except when it pertains to fucking. At least in that category, he didn’t need any fucking confirmation because he couldn’t remember a single time that Ohno was not able to make him feel so good during sex and even after it. Ohno was always extra affectionate after, holding him close and breathing him in as if Ohno was basking on the afterglow the way he himself always would after Ohno fucked him.  
  
That’s probably just one of the many reasons why he wants it all back, coupled with the fact that even after a year, he knows he hasn’t been able to move on despite what others might think, despite the fact that that’s exactly what he wants Ohno to believe.  
  
And the worst part of this is that he’s keeping it all carefully hidden underneath a mask, his emotions he keeps under a carefully-lidded bottle that he carries around with him wherever he goes. It’s almost full now, threatening to spill at any given moment despite his desperate attempt at keeping it from overflowing. But it’s difficult, what with the fact that he loves Ohno so much but he couldn’t as much as open his mouth to say it, to breath a word about it because he knows it didn’t matter then, so why in hell he thinks it would matter now?  
  
He takes his phone out from his pants' pocket the minute he realized it is vibrating, vision blurred as he squints at the screen and finds a blinking message there.  
  
It's from Ohno.  
  
 _Thanks for the food, Kazu. It's delicious, as always. I hope you had stayed a little longer to eat it with me. It's too lonely eating alone, but anyway, next time?_  
  
He clutches the phone tightly against his chest and wonders yet again, how easily Ohno is able to break his heart just by being the person he knows he always wanted.  
  
He wonders if there's ever going to be a time that his heart will stop breaking when he sees Ohno's face, or if he will ever get to move on from loving the older man the way he loves him now.  
  
He wonders if he will ever let himself do that, anyway.   
  



	2. Chapter 2

They have an early start the next day and Nino is both looking forward to it and dreading it. He’s not sure why but he always feels this way whenever he spent his day off cleaning Ohno’s place for him and it’s never a pleasant feeling.  
  
He often wonders if there’s any way to stop it from always happening.  
  
“Yo,” and there comes himself, walking through the door and slithering his way to the couch next to Nino and his heart does that usual ‘behold Ohno is near’ dance that he should be used to by now but still isn’t because he’s stupid like that.  God, they’ve been broken up for a year and he really should start behaving like they are but it’s difficult, not when his heart sure seems like it doesn’t or is obviously refusing to recognize the fucking difference especially when Ohno is near and is pressed close to him like this.   
  
There’s chorus of sleepy ‘good morning’ thrown around before Ohno settles himself comfortably next to him, and he is assaulted with the scent of Ohno’s shampoo – the one he’s been using for years and had bought with him when he came to live with Ohno – the same one he stopped using ever since he and Ohno broke up – and feels his chest constricts painfully yet again.   
  
It’s these little things that makes him want to regret ever doing the things he did but knows that there’s no way he is ever going to make up for the way he fucked things up between him and Ohno. He may have doubts about what the older man felt about him then but it surely didn’t give him the right to do what he did and therefore fuck up what’s probably the best thing he would ever have in his life and ruining it at the same time.  
  
“I did what you told me, by the way,” he realizes Ohno is talking to him, addressing him when he looks down to the mass of black hair sticking in all direction; he has a noseful of Ohno’s hair the next time he breathes and for a moment there, he felt entirely grateful Ohno isn’t looking at him because then he knows his face has just betrayed him yet again for staring at Ohno like this, tasting the lingering bitterness of pain and regret when he breathes.   
  
“Huh?” he asks, stupidly.  
  
“I waited until the food is cold before I put it in the fridge,” Ohno explains, more like murmurs, still sleepy against his shoulder, his weight a very familiar pressure against him and for one second, Nino wishes he could go back to that time he was about to fuck someone else and stop himself before he even think it.   
  
“Good,” he says, chest full to bursting as he tries to keep himself from shifting, from putting his arms around Ohno the way he’s been wanting to. He can’t, he can’t, and he knows it. “I wish you at least removed it from the pan and transferred it to one of those plastic containers I’ve kept there for leftovers?” he asks, though it’s kind of a pointless thing to ask knowing what the answer is.  
  
A beat, then, like an afterthought, Ohno is giggling and whispering, “Oops,” and Nino feels like beating himself to a pulp for wanting to laugh and cry at the same time.  
  
  
+  
  
He looks at Ohno from a distance, while the older man is choreographing himself and the rest of them are being lazy. He can’t help but think of the first time he and Ohno had sex, years and years before, wondering how it always felt so natural to find himself bent forward then on one of the upstairs shower rooms, arms supporting himself against the wall as Ohno fucked him from behind as if they were only waiting for it to happen.  
  
He was young then, younger than he is now but even then, he knows what he wanted, who he wanted to do it with and he knows that it’s always been Ohno. It has never occurred to him that there will come a time that he will pause to think what he could have mean to Ohno besides Ohno’s constant bed companion but one day, he just did and he hasn’t stopped thinking about it until that day he got drunk and allowed someone to get too close the way he normally wouldn’t.  
  
“You’re staring,” someone murmurs next to him – Aiba – and Nino averts his eyes as if on cue. Aiba chuckles at this and Nino feels like hitting him.   
  
“Get out of my ear,” he hisses, grabbing for his water and taking a quick swig from it, eyes darting between the floor and Ohno’s ass on display because Ohno is bent over and doing stretches, and really, Nino’s never claimed to being a saint, or someone who doesn’t let his lust rule the best of him even when he did let Ohno fucked him during breaks in between practice years before, or even when he fucked around with someone else while he was in Kyoto then, and he’s not going to start claiming that he is anything but now.   
  
He stares because he wants to and Aiba can tease him all he wants for it, he doesn’t care.   
  
“You won’t be drooling like that if only you will stop being so stubborn and tell him about what really happened in Kyoto,” Aiba says, ever the optimistic fool and Nino isn’t sure if he wants to laugh or cry or both.   
  
“There’s nothing to tell,” he says, curling onto himself and trying his hardest to take his gaze elsewhere that is not Ohno’s butt or sexy body. It’s difficult but he mans up.   
  
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that,” Aiba tells him and he does shove Aiba this time just to shut him up. He doesn’t need Aiba, or anyone for that matter, to tell him what an idiot he was – is – for keeping the truth of what happened in Kyoto a secret, most especially from Ohno because what difference would it make now? Nothing, he is sure of it.  
  
Bu then again, he used to think that maybe if he – no, he thinks, cutting himself off before his brain even manages to go there. He can’t think that and expects himself not to wish for more, for something he knows Ohno won’t ever be able to give him because of what he did and he had – has -  resolved to having whatever Ohno is willing to give him now, even though it hurts, even though it is enough to kill him slow knowing that he won’t ever get to hold Ohno again the way he’d been able to before.   
  
He shakes himself for good measure and decides to clear the clogs in his head with coffee. He elbows Aiba on his way up, ignoring his taller friend’s whines about bruises.   
  
“Come,” he says, dragging Aiba with him, “I need caffeine. Treat me,”  
  
“Tsk, Nino-chan,”  
  
  
+  
  
It’s half past nine and they’re finally done for the day. He has all the intention of going straight home with the company of his game and the sponsored beers he has in his fridge but sadly, Jun catches up with him before he even manages to disappear.  
  
“It’s Shun’s birthday,” Jun points out in exasperation when he tries to spout out his excuses, “we are all invited,”  
  
“I’m tired,” he whines but doesn’t resist when Jun drags him towards the elevator that will take them down to the parking lot, finding Sho and Aiba and Leader lounging there, obviously waiting for them.   
  
“Ah, they’re here,” Aiba announces as if on cue. Sho nods his head at them and says something to Ohno that Nino didn’t quite hear. “Sho-chan was just asking which car we are using, since, you know, there are only two cars available to drive us there now,” Aiba says, eyeing Nino wickedly. Nino wants to kick him but decides to be nice for once and holds himself back.  
  
Though it didn’t stop him from muttering, “Definitely not mine,” that earns him a good-natured jab from Jun.  “What?” he grunts, “I’m not going to waste my car’s precious gasoline just to drive you retards around, okay? Especially when I don’t have any intention of going,”  
  
“Who says we’re going to use your car, you stingy bastard?” Jun mutters next to him, cuffing him lightly across the back of his head  before Jun is handing over a set of keys to Aiba’s waiting hands.   
  
“Just making it clear,” he grouches, letting himself be pushed forward the moment the elevator door opens and hissing because he almost collides face-first against Ohno. Good thing Ohno has great reflexes despite looking like he’s about to fall over in exhaustion, hands finding his waist to steady him.  
  
“I got you,” Ohno murmurs, breath warm against his cheek and Nino has to ground himself on his own, has to breathe in a couple of times to stop his hands from gripping Ohno’s own.   
  
“Thanks,” he finds himself saying as he backs up a step. He turns around and hums under his breath, closing his eyes and trying his hardest to erase the warmth of Ohno’s body through that brief moment of contact.  
  
+  
  
He knew there was a reason he didn’t want to come here.  
  
The house is already packed with guests when they arrived – Shun’s closest friends from the  industry – familiar faces that Nino has had the opportunity to meet throughout his long association with Shun. Jun is immediately taken away by one of his co-actors from Hanadan the moment they walked in the door, while Aiba and Sho have instantly disappeared somewhere else to do whatever the hell they do when they’re at a party.  
  
Next to him, Ohno looks a little lost.   
  
“Do you know where we can get the beer?” says Ohno, louder than he probably would in other circumstances but he guesses it’s just to be expected if Ohno wants to be heard over the loud sounds of the music. “Or the food? I’m starving,”  
  
He chuckles, can’t not, and finds himself turning to face Ohno, all prepared to guide him where he should go to get those when a hand shoots out from somewhere and catches him around the elbow.   
  
He turns then to greet the person properly and immediately wishes he didn’t when he realizes who it is.  
  
Behind him, he vaguely hears Ohno say, “I’ll go get it myself,” before the man before him folds him into a warm embrace.   
  
“Ninomiya-kun, it’s nice to see you again! How have you been?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crossposted in Ohmiya_haven@lj

  
_“You look sad, d’you mind if I keep you company for a while?” someone proposes from somewhere behind him and Nino knows he shouldn’t agree, that he’s way too drunk to even be allowed to be in someone else’s company but it’s probably the very reason why he also finds himself nodding his head and tipping his mostly-empty glass welcomingly to the person now sitting too close for comfort next to him._  
  
 _“Sure,” he says, more like slurs and slides his empty glass aside. He gives the man a sideway glance and realizes with a start that he’s actually one of his co-stars from the movie he is currently filming there. “O-Oh, it’s you,”_  
  
 _“You’re a bit out of it, huh?” the man chuckles, “you didn’t even notice that it was me,” the man adds and Nino finds himself shrugging in response.”So what are you doing here alone, anyway? Aside from drinking yourself to oblivion,”_  
  
 _“Just enjoying the nice Kyoto evening, is all,” he replies as he reaches over to grab his glass, which has miraculously ended up filled again. The liquid sloshes dangerously when he manages to lift it to his lips without spilling the rest everywhere, tipping the contents into his mouth in one go._  
  
 _“Right,” the man agrees, then pauses for so long that Nino has to wonder if he’s going to talk again until he shifts sideways and hear the man’s voice again. “But I couldn’t help but overheard you talking -” the man starts in between sips of his drink and Nino finds himself mesmerize, finds himself staring before he can stop himself. He’s not sure why but the man reminds him of Ohno – the way the man’s lips quirk at the edges, the way his eyes turn dark and serious in a span of a few seconds without blinking._  
  
 _“What?”_  
  
 _The man keeps his gaze on Nino’s face. “I’m sorry, I really don’t mean to sound like I’m prying but –“ the man breathes as Nino snaps his mouth shut._  
  
 _“You’ve been talking about this friend of yours to the bartender for the past hour now,” the man says, jerking his thumb towards the guy in a bow tie who is busy wiping the countertop to even pay attention, “even though you know he’s not listening,”_  
  
 _He chokes on his drink and the man is quickly grabbing the paper towel that the bartender had dutifully (and quickly) slid forward at the first sign of trouble, thinking horribly about what he could have mumbled on about without him realizing it._  
  
 _“I – w-what?” he stutters out, at least when he finally finds that his voice box is working properly again._  
  
 _The man smiles and shrugs. “You keep on saying something about not knowing what you and this friend of yours are to each other anymore, besides each other’s constant bed companion. Then you suddenly muttered about wanting to try it out with other people,” the man says, eyeing him thoughtfully. “ – and you’re wondering if it’s going to be different. If it will feel different, and to be honest, I don’t understand most of it but what I do know is that you probably just need to get laid,” the man adds, following it with a husky laugh that makes the inside of his stomach flutter, barely realizing the man is reaching over to run a thumb across his lower lip until it is already there._  
  
 _The heat coming from the man’s finger is overwhelming, his senses spinning as he leans further into the touch before he can stop himself._  
  
 _“So you know,” the man drawls, a slow, teasing smile gracing the corners of the man’s mouth. “if you’re still up to it, with that trying it out with other people thing, do it with me instead,”_  
  
 _Nino feels like he’s floating, like his every limb is made up of cotton. “I’m free after this, Ninomiya-san,” the man whispers, and Nino wonders where the courage came from (or the stupidity, to be honest) because then he realizes he is biting his lips and nodding his head even before the man continues with, “you want to come back with me in my hotel room?”_  
  
  
+  
  
  
He feels sick, he feels miserable, so much like the morning after he’d woken up in his own apartment’s bed after he left Ohno’s the night before. He feels like crying, feels like cursing everyone – Jun, Aiba, Sho and even Ohno – for dragging him here where he ended up meeting the person he wishes he wouldn’t have to meet ever again.  
  
“Seriously, if Jun-chan sees you right now, he’ll scream,” someone comments from somewhere but he doesn’t bother lifting his head from the toilet’s edge where he has his temple pressed against for the longest time, doesn’t bother acknowledging the person who found him before he feels himself getting lift up from the floor where he’s been slumped at for what seemed like the past hour since he secluded himself here. “God, you’re a mess! Come on, up you go, Jesus, Nino-chan –“  
  
He bats the person away weakly, grumbling things under his breath as the person – Aiba – hauls him up and keeps an arm around his waist to steady him while he takes care of Nino’s mess for him, namely flushing the toilet and putting the cover down before guiding him to sit on it.   
  
“Seriously, we haven’t even been here for more than two hours and you’re already drunk? What’s wrong with you?” Aiba asks him while he idly watches Aiba tugs on some paper towels to wipe his face with them too.   
  
He grunts, feeling entirely miserable. “ _Home_. I want – I – p-please,” he says in between hiccups, realizing he is crying again without knowing it, at least until his fingers find his damp cheeks. He wipes his face roughly with the back of his hand before he feels Aiba’s hand grabbing his own and putting it down, gently, gently.   
  
“Shhh, hey, come on, don’t be like that,” Aiba hushes him, before he feels himself being tugged into his bestfriend’s arms. He is weeping quietly into Aiba’s shoulder before he can even stop it, muffling his cries into Aiba’s shirt and shaking. “Is this about Leader again? It is, isn’t it?” Aiba says, his tone softer than he probably intended and Nino feels like the world’s stupidest jerk. “Seriously, you’re the one who did this to yourself. You can just easily fix this by talking to him but you don’t want to, so stubborn, Jesus fucking Christ,”  
  
He doesn’t say anything, can’t say anything, really, and just cries as Aiba holds him, holds him, never leaving him until it feels like he can’t cry anymore.  
  
  
+  
  
Half an hour later, he is strapped in the car with Aiba, who has taken the liberty of driving him home despite the many times he told his bestfriend he’ll just go home in a cab if he could just be kind enough to call him one but Aiba wouldn’t hear any of it.   
  
They are out of the Oguri’s home moments after, the heater turned up as Aiba bundled him to probably five layers of scarves and three jackets before they drove off.   
  
Nino keeps his eyes on the window, gaze looking past it even though he’s not really seeing anything. It’s silent ever since they left the Oguri’s place and he’s not sure whether to be glad or annoyed that Aiba isn’t talking.  
  
He’s also pissed that he’s still not drunk enough to know – to remember – the stupid stunt he did a while back.   
  
“A-Aiba-chan –“  
  
“He was the one, wasn’t he?” Aiba cuts in, apropos of nothing and Nino knows he doesn’t need to be a genius to know what, or who Aiba is talking about. He doesn’t answer.  
  
“Did you tell Leader about him?” Aiba follows, obviously ignoring the fact that he chooses not to comment on Aiba’s questions. “You did, didn’t you?”  
  
“I –“ he mutters, but cut himself off quickly by snapping his mouth shut. He is sure nothing good is going to come out by this, by talking about what had happened long ago and he knows it. He’d kept his mouth shut for so long, hadn’t talked about any of it to anyone – maybe aside from Ohno and he’s not going to start now.   
  
“I don’t know whether to applaud you or beat you silly for even going as far as telling Leader who the person you fucked around with, really,” Aiba pauses here, shaking his head and looking like he’s not at all sure what to do with Nino anymore. “that, but not the whole damn story. I mean, seriously, it’s not like you went through with the whole thing –“  
  
“It _doesn’t_ make a difference,” he cuts in, tasting bile in his tongue and remembering the way he allowed that man to touch him, kiss him. “It didn’t then, and it wouldn’t make any difference now,”  
  
“How do you even know that?” Aiba counters, “see, that’s the motherfucking problem. Leader doesn’t know the whole story because you wouldn’t tell him. And it’s fucking everything up between the two of you  because you don’t want to be entirely truthful. You told Leader things that never really happened, omitted things you shouldn’t have and even now, I don’t fucking get it,”  
  
“So you know, congratulations, because I think you just fucked it all up without even as much as trying,” Aiba says; he gives his bestfriend a look of pure confusion, watching the obvious annoyance written all over Aiba’s face.    
  
“You told Leader about that guy,” Aiba starts, “so naturally, and I don’t know why you hadn’t realize this, when Leader sees the guy, he’ll be upset,” he finds himself whipping his head around to look at Aiba, finds himself staring at Aiba in a mixture of horror and panic in his eyes. “even more so when Leader sees you together. What, you think Leader will rejoice when he sees the guy try to hug the shit out of you? You’re really stupid, Nino-chan. Of course he’ll be upset, he knows the guys is the one you fooled around with while you were in Kyoto, afterall–“ Aiba pauses here to regard him a look that makes him hate himself a little bit more, “Leader saw him, didn’t he?” in a low voice, probably to confirm his suspicions.  
  
“Aiba-chan, please –“  
  
“Sho-chan had to take Leader home earlier, too,” Aiba segues, and Nino wonders why he sounded sad when he shouldn’t be. He should be upset instead, he should be mad at Nino for doing this to Ohno again, for ruining their night because of his past that kept following him everywhere he goes but he finds that he can’t speak, let alone think past the fact that Ohno is upset because of him, because of his stupidity, again. He’d made Ohno mad again, and he wonders if maybe Ohno is thinking he knows that person is going to be there, that he did it – letting the man hug him like he had all the right to – to mock Ohno.  
  
He feels sick to the core he’s not sure if there’s even a way to recover from it, biting his lips hard enough to draw blood to keep himself from saying something he knows won’t ever be reason enough to make up for how he’d fucked things up then, and again, now.  
  
“Jun-chan said that Sho-chan said Leader was acting strangely so Sho-chan had to volunteer and take him home, using Shun-kun’s car,”  
  
“W-What do you mean?” he finds himself saying through the haze of shame and self-deprecation he finds himself dwelling into, worried and equal-parts scared about his fears coming true.  
  
“Jun-chan said that Sho-chan said Leader looked very upset,” Aiba points out, “though he did try not to show it. Jun-chan said that Sho-chan said Leader would have probably managed to consume half of the alcohol at Shun-kun’s if he hadn’t been there to stop him. I told Jun-chan, jokingly of course, that Leader wouldn’t have possibly done it anyway because _you_ already finished the other half,”  
  
Then, with the look of utter seriousness, Aiba continues, “I don’t really know what is happening Nino-chan but I would bet all the money I have saved up until now that you’ve just made a terrible, terrible mistake tonight,”  
  
“Aiba-chan –“ he croaks, hands reaching over for something to grasp on and finding Aiba’s jacket, fingers shaking as he clings into the fabric for dear life.  
  
“ – and it’s so terrible that not even the truth about what really happened in Kyoto is going to change Leader’s mind now, about you,”  
  
“W-What –“ he says, or at least starts to but realizes that word-producing part of his brain is currently having a hard time functioning as he stares gaping at Aiba, vaguely aware of Aiba shaking his head and pulling the car over slowly to the side of the road.  
  
Aiba looks like he wants to feel bad for him enough to keep himself from saying anything anymore but figures Nino has to hear it anyway. “ –   
  
He tries to swallow the growing panic down but it’s hard, especially when Aiba remains quiet for quite a long while before he decides to explain himself.   
  
He doesn’t say anything though. Just fishes around for his phone, slides his thumb across the screen to unlock it and taps on something before he hands it over to Nino.  
  
It’s a message from Ohno, addressed to Nino, sent to Aiba’s phone.   
  
  
_Ninomiya-san,_  
  
 _I’ll be changing the locks of the apartment. Don’t bother coming around. Thanks for your help up until now._  
  
 _Ohno_  
  
He reads it until his eyes hurt, feeling something physically crack inside his chest and doesn’t know what happens after until he realizes he is choking out very miserable-sounding sobs, the phone falling from his hands and landing on the space between his seat and the gearshift as he curls onto himself and muffles his cries into the crook of his arm.


	4. Chapter 4

It’s a relief, if he is going to be completely honest about it, that he and Ohno aren’t scheduled to work together the next day and the few coming days too. For one, he’s pretty certain he’s not going to be able to work properly with Ohno around, not with how that two-liner text he received from Ohno the night before was enough to tear him to pieces every goddamn time he remembers it.  
  
“Ninomiya-san, are you sure you’re alright?” his PA asks him for the nth time that morning as she is handing him his fifth cup of black coffee and squinting at his face through her glasses, looking awfully worried. He tilts his head at her and takes the cup she is offering with a smile.  
  
“Told you to stop worrying, _Ba-chan_ ,” he jokes, even though it sure sounded flat even in his own ears. “it’ll give you premature wrinkles. Chill, will yah? I’m fine, I swear,”  
  
“You don’t look fine, though,” she insists, frowning. “and the director thought so too. He actually asked me to tell you if you’d rather reschedule the shoot because it looks like you’re not in the mood to –“  
  
“Tell him there’s no need for that,” he says, taking a sip and letting the coffee’s bitter aftertaste linger as he eyes the paper she handed over a few minutes prior. “Reschedule? That’s stupid. This is too easy,” he says, pointing at the sequence of scenes he is supposed to do. “Tell him I’m ready when he is,” he says, draining the last of his coffee and putting the empty cup down before he stands up.   
  
She nods even though she still looks like she doesn’t believe him. “Fine,” she says as she steps away. “I’ll tell him,”  
  
That earns her a smile and wink from him. “That’s my girl,”  
  
  
+  
  
He could tell that the director wasn’t at all that pleased with his performance, but he figures the director and his staff could go shove it, he doesn’t really care, not even one bit as he storms toward the direction of his dressing room and locking the door firmly behind him. He is tugging off his tie roughly and throwing it carelessly aside the moment it came loose, grunting under his breath and throwing himself on the couch with a roughly uttered curse.  
  
 _He freezes on the spot the minute his eyes caught sight of the man walking calmly into the set, bowing politely to everyone on the way._  
  
 _“W-What’s – what’s he doing here?” he realizes he is asking, his brain to mouth filter obviously not working, hissing the words as if he’s spitting venom._  
  
 _“Oh,” one of the staffs – probably the one in-charge of the casting – exclaims. “Did I forget to mention he was casted in place of –“_  
  
 _“No,” he bites out, gritting his teeth and wishing he has enough patience left in him enough to stay and not walk out immediately and let his manager deal with all this bullshit for him. “No, you didn’t,”_  
  
 _The staff bows her head in apology but he is no longer interested, not when he is too busy trying to blink back the urge to run as the man walks straight to him with his hand held out._  
  
 _“Ninomiya-kun, it’s nice to see you again,” he says with a pleased smile that makes the inside of Nino’s stomach churn. “Let’s work hard today, yeah?”_  
  
 _He nods because that’s what he knows he should do, smiles because he’s expected to._  
  
 _“Yeah, lets,” he agrees even though his whole heart is not in it._  
  
He’s not sure how long he stayed like that until a buzzing noise catches his attention and realizes it is his phone, vibrating. He grabs it and realizes he has three missed calls and two unread messages.  
  
It’s from _him._  
  
 _I was looking everywhere for you the other night but I couldn’t find you. Did you leave early?_  
  
He doesn’t even hesitate and deletes the message right away.  
  
The second message came just two minutes after the first one.  
  
 _How about a drink? You know, for old time’s sake. I’m still in the parking lot so if you’re okay with it, just reply. I’ll be waiting._  
  
  
He furiously starts typing STOP TEXTING ME, and catches himself halfway before sending it. He breathes carefully through his nose and with trembling fingers, he types, _I’m sorry, who is this?,_ then promptly shuts off his phone. Outside, he vaguely hears his PA calling out his name as she knocks on the door.  
  
“In a minute,” he tells her and sets about leaving the comforts of the couch to let her in.  
  
  
+  
  
That night, he ended up drinking at Aiba’s apartment.   
  
“We have to work early tomorrow, you know?” Aiba complains but Nino knows him well enough to know that Aiba doesn’t really care about getting drunk or not getting enough sleep when there’s scheduled work the day after and he knows Aiba isn’t going to start now.   
  
He tosses his fifth can of beer and reaches for another one. “If I flop a line tomorrow at filming, I’m totally blaming you,”   
  
He snorts. “Right,” he mutters, “as if you needed the alcohol to be able to fail spectacularly at everything because we both know that you don’t. You can do that very well on your own,”  
  
Aiba doesn’t answer and the silence that fills the air between them then is so thick Nino can barely breathe through it. He realizes he has managed to down the contents of his fifth can in one gulp, wiping his mouth with the back of his palm afterwards.   
  
“Nino-chan –“  
  
“I _don’t_ want to talk about it, okay?” he cuts in even before Aiba is able to finish, heart beating painfully fast. “Please, I know you’re dying to know, but it’s – I can’t –“ he whispers, voice quivering slightly so is the beer in his hand. “I just. I know it’s my fault but –“  
  
“It’s not like I’m blaming you, Nino-chan,” says Aiba, “it’s just that it’s difficult, watching you put up the tough act when Leader is around because I know how badly you’re hurting. And I don’t know how many times I’ve told you this, that you’re not the only one –“  
  
“ _Stop_ ,” he grits, shutting his eyes close and lifting the can up to his lips, emptying it in one go. “Stop, Aiba-chan, just –“ he breathes, shakily, “stop. I can’t listen to this anymore, I can’t, because it’s making me want to hope about the future that’s never going to be there. Leader didn’t – doesn’t love me the way I love him, and he never would, not then, not now, especially after what I did,”  
  
“What you did –“ Aiba breathes, “Nino-chan –“  
  
“Just leave it,” he breathes, swallowing past the lump that feels like it’s permanently there in his throat as he grabs for another can and opens it.   
  
  
+  
  
The first time they saw each other is on the third day. Nino leaves his apartment that morning with a heavy heart, the spare keys to Ohno’s own feels even heavier in his jeans’ pocket where he had stashed them before he leaves.   
  
When he arrives at the location, he realizes it’s just the two of them, and Nino wonders how awkward the whole shoot will be until Ohno sits next to him and hums and almost absent-minded, “Yo!” and Nino feels his unruly chest tightens.  
  
He's not sure why it's as if that horrible night didn't even happen, or why it sure feels like Ohno is treating Nino like he normally would, as if the message Ohno had sent a few nights before (to Aiba's phone but addressed to Nino) didn't happen at all though it sure feels like it.  
  
“H-Hey,” he returns, throat equally tight as he allows himself a little smile, wanting everything to go back to how they were before even though they won't ever be.  
  
"Let's do our best today, yeah?"  
  
He doesn't answer because if he does, he knows he will cry so he just nods his head and swallows hard.   
  
+  
  
It’s easy enough to let his instincts take over, to follow the rhthym he and Ohno always seem to have whenever they are working side by side like this without worrying over the fact that the two of them have this unresolved issue hanging between them because Ohno sure doesn’t look like he’s hardly bothered by it.   
  
“Try dipping it in salt, I swear it’ll taste better,” he vaguely  hears the shop’s owner voice because he is too busy trying not to cry or laugh or both watching Ohno and Ohno’s hand, the way Ohno (unconsciously?) takes the salt shaker to put some into his plate before doing the same to Nino’s own.   
  
He has to literally command himself to look away, has to remind himself that it’s nothing, that it doesn’t mean anything as he feels the ache in his chest intensifies he wonders how he still manages to smile and talk like nothing’s wrong when he can barely breathe through the pain.  
  
“Go and try it, Nino,” Ohno mumbles in that soft tone of his that makes things in Nino’s chest hurt, tasting bile in his tongue as he grabs his chopsticks and shoves the piece of meat into his mouth just to keep himself from either crying or saying something inappropriate without actually tasting it.  
  
+  
  
They wrapped up the filming almost two hours after. He’s itching to get out of the suit he’s wearing that he’s barely heard one of the ADs yelling something about going to their next location before he is already shedding out of his suit jacket while rounding the corner and into the where he remembers the van that will take him home is parked, and stops.  
  
Ohno is already there, but he is not alone.  
  
“I’m done with everything now, do you think you can meet me tonight? I’ll send you the address, just give me your phone number,”   
  
The girl he’s with smiles almost shyly but she does lean up to brush her mouth – pink and shiny – into the corner of Ohno’s mouth, dragging her lips across Ohno’s jaw the way Nino had done so many times in the past, her mouth hovering against Ohno’s ear as she whispers something.  
  
He feels his heart stammers once, twice, before it sure feels like it’s being crushed by an invisible hand he can barely blink through the painful churning in his stomach and chest, mouth agape as he watches Ohno puts his hands around the girl’s waist to pull her closer, one hand to the back of her head and kisses her in a way that makes Nino’s heart hurt.   
  
He doesn’t know how long he’s there, how long he’s staring until he realizes he has somehow ended up moving into the shadows, hands clutching the front of his jacket where his heart is beating thunderously underneath, not quite crying and just staring into the dark space before him as if it will erase the memory of seeing Ohno kiss someone else, of Ohno’s hands touching someone else’s body.


	5. Chapter 5

_“Where to?” Ohno hums into his mouth, fingers digging possessively against the skin of his thighs. He whimpers in return, tilts his face a little to the right and dives back in for another searing kiss, tongue tangling desperately against Ohno’s own._  
  
 _His back hits the wall yet again and Ohno is growling into his mouth as the older man kisses him back. It’s so good, more so with the fact that they’re in the privacy of his own home and the fear of anyone finding them with their tongues shoved down each other’s throat is nowhere to be found._  
  
 _Ohno tears his mouth away from his with obvious difficulty,  thumb grazing his bottom lip softly, his eyes shaded with desire Nino still isn’t accustomed to as Ohno pins him manfully against the wall._  
  
 _“We have to move, Nino, or I won’t be held responsible for doing you right here, right now,” Ohno hisses, hips thrusting lightly into him and making Nino feel his hardness through that brief contact. He is arching back into Ohno before he can even stop himself, fingers finding Ohno’s shoulders and holding on for dear life as he pushes himself closer to the older man’s body._  
  
 _“Shit, don’t do that,” Ohno hisses again, mouth finding his for another feverish kiss. “Come on, let’s move it before I really end up –“_  
  
 _“So do me here,” he whispers, lacing his fingers through the hairs at the back of Ohno’s head. He gets an almost wounded-sounding growl in return and Ohno maneuvering himself backwards, tugging him away from the wall one-handedly with Ohno’s mouth pressed against his temple._  
  
 _“Not a chance,” Ohno mutters as his body goes willingly to Ohno, his legs feel like a couple of useless limbs as Ohno guides them both inside his own apartment in haste._  
  
  
 _+_  
  
 _He is scrambling to keep himself up on all fours, moaning against the sheets with Ohno spouting encouragements below him, his fingers sliding in and out of Nino’s body carefully. He is shuddering everytime the tips of Ohno’s finger touches something inside him that fires up every single nerve-ending in his body, the need for release coils and uncoils tightly around his thighs at every deliberate touch._  
  
 _“O-Oh-chan, ahh, p-please –“_  
  
 _“Not yet,” Ohno says, but it sounded more like a hiss even in Nino’s ears. He can’t help the needy sounds that escapes the back of his throat then, can’t help bucking his hips in counter to the movements of Ohno’s fingers as his own tighten their grip against the sheets. “Fuck, you’re squeezing my fingers so tight,” Ohno comments, voice low and deep and Nino wants to see him the urge is enough to drive him crazy._  
  
 _“L-Leader –“_  
  
 _“Is it enough?” Ohno asks, sounding awed, and Nino finds himself nodding his head even though he is certain Ohno can’t see him. “Nino –“_  
  
 _“Yes, fuck yes,” he breathes, arching his back and clenching around the fingers shoved deep inside his ass in clear invitation. Ohno hisses a curse and takes his fingers out one by one Nino finds himself moaning the loss of them, opening his mouth to complain when he feels Ohno’s weight settles across his back, of Ohno’s fingers squeezing his buttcheeks, obviously asking for permission._  
  
 _“Let me turn you over,” Ohno breathes against his shoulder  blade, shifting him, and he does so without complain. He is on his back in seconds, legs parted wide to accommodate Ohno as Ohno settles comfortably in between, hovering over him. “Yes, like this,” Ohno says, before Ohno is hooking one of Nino’s legs and carefully throwing it over Ohno’s shoulder._  
  
 _When Nino looks down, he realizes Ohno already has a condom on._  
  
 _“Fuck –“ he moans, watches as Ohno’s fingers work on bringing his own cock to full hardness, pinching the head with his thumb and forefinger. “O-Oh-chan –“_  
  
 _“Yes,” Ohno breathes, ragged and husky, and Nino feels his inside contracts with something akin to anticipation the moment Ohno bends over for a kiss while he is aiming the head of his hard cock against Nino’s puckering hole. “Yes, god, you’re so –“_  
  
 _“Do it,” he hisses, hands grabbing Ohno’s forearms for dear life, teeth digging into his lower lip hard enough to draw blood. “do it, ah, please –“_  
  
 _Ohno jerks once, twice, eyes dark as he thrusts home with a groan._  
  
  
+  
  
  
 _It’s over before he realizes it and he finds himself panting hard against Ohno’s chest as Ohno’s fingers thread lightly through his hair._  
  
 _“Not bad,” Ohno muses, voice thick with amusement and something else and Nino isn’t entirely sure why his chest feels like an overinflated balloon and why it feels like he can do this forever, stay like this forever with Ohno and not get tired of it. “not bad at all. For a first timer, I thought you’d moan about the pain but –“_  
  
 _“What do you think I am, a girl?” he spits, though he knows it lacks the bite he intended; he is even curling closer to Ohno, his lips pressed against the jut of Ohno’s collarbone and Ohno shifting just the tiniest bit to let him settle in._  
  
 _“Certainly not,” Ohno says, his tone marred with silent laughter. “it’s just that, you know, girl or not, first time doing anal is really, really painful, as what I’ve been told. But you, hmm,” Ohno pauses here, pushes himself away for a bit so Ohno can look at him. “you’re amazing, Nino,”_  
  
 _“Well, thank you,” he says, blushing to the tips of his hair as Ohno closes in again to kiss him, lightly, in the mouth. “You’re not so bad yourself, if I may say,” he counters when Ohno pulls away, and he swears the look that Ohno gives him then is so intense he finds himself shivering when Ohno reaches for him again._  
  
 _“I want to do it again,” Ohno whispers, softly into his mouth, fingers tender on his face. “Nino, I want to –“_  
  
 _“Yes,” he cuts in before Ohno is able to say something more, catching Ohno’s mouth for a kiss and moaning, hands grappling around Ohno’s back as Ohno settles above him._  
  
  
+  
  
  
  
He doesn’t even know how he managed to leave the spot he was hiding, much more flag a passing taxi down and boarding it. He is overwhelmed with misery that he doesn’t realize the cab has pulled over and the driver is looking at him with genuine worry stretched across the older man’s face.  
  
“W-What –?”  
  
“Oh thank god,” the cab driver – an elderly man about his father’s age – exclaims in relief. “I thought for a moment there you have passed out or something and if I should drive you straight to the nearest hospital. You’re so white and I was afraid you were –“  
  
“Sorry,” he ducks down, clutching the fabric of his stylist-issued pants with trembling fingers. “Sorry, I –“  
  
“Are you okay?”  
  
“Yes,” he says, breathing in a lungful of air and forcing a smile that he hopes isn’t shaky enough for the driver to believe him. “Yes, I swear I’m okay,”  
  
The driver gives him a look that says he doesn’t believe him but lets him be. “So, where to?” the driver asks instead.  
  
He mumbles his apartment’s address as if on autopilot and lets his gaze wander outside the window, past the lighted streets while trying his hardest to put the memory of Ohno’s lips pressed against someone else’s own.  
  
  
+  
  
  
That night, instead of drowning his misery with alcohol, he gets into bed without bothering taking his borrowed suit off and simply curled there, arms around himself, sobbing quietly into the dark with Ohno’s name on his lips.  
  
  
+  
  
“What’s up?” he grunts under his breath the minute the spot next to him dips, not bothering looking up to check who sat next him because he already knows; the person’s perfume is a dead give away, afterall,  as his fingers work furiously over his console’s keypad.   
  
“New single in May,” Jun announces. Ah. So that’s what the meeting earlier was all about. He wasn’t able to attend it because of a scheduled photoshoot though it doesn’t really matter so long as one of them is there to listen.   
  
“Sweet,” he comments, though his attention is wholly focused on his character jumping up and down the screen, “anything else?”  
  
A beat. “It’s for Leader’s drama,” Jun tells him even though he doesn’t really need to. The news about it had been circulating since the start of the year afterall but Jun probably thought he ought to know. “You know, the detective one,”  
  
“How about Aiba-chan’s?”  
  
“We’ll be working on that one too,”  
  
He smirks and hits the pause button promptly. “Man, we’re so in-demand. I wonder if we’re going to be paid extra for working this hard. I want mine in cold cash, deposited in my fifth bank account. Tell our manager that,”  
  
Jun hits him lightly across the forehead. “Working hard, my ass,” Jun says, “as if you are,” Jun tells him, eyeing him curiously. “if I remember it correctly, the last time you were busy with filming was in 2010 and that was two years ago,”  
  
“I filmed that SP last October,”  
  
“Which was a few months ago,” Jun points out.  
  
“I’m filming a movie now,” he says, “that’s even harder than working on a drama,”  
  
“Fuck you, it’s not,” Jun says. He grins and remembers Jun has just finished with his own drama series just a couple of weeks back. “Anyway, that’s all. I’m going to tell Sho-san since he wasn’t able to attend as well. You go and tell Leader,”  
  
“Why me?”  
  
“Because I said so,” Jun says and stands up. "unless of course you don't want to,"  
  
He gives Jun the stinky eye. "In that case, I don't want to," he says.  
  
Jun blinks at him. "Is there something you should be telling us aside from the obvious fact that you and Leader are acting like an old couple having a spat?"  
  
He bristles. "I don't even know what you're talking about,"   
  
Jun seems to consider him for a full minute before Jun is opening his mouth probably to say something but is quickly cut off by the sound of Aiba and Sho's voices from the open door.   
  
He takes his gaze back to his DS, grateful for the chance to get away from Jun's obvious desire to gossip as he swallows the urge to look back up and check out if Ohno is already there even though he knows – can already feel Ohno’s presence even though he hasn’t seen him.  
  
“Ninomiya-san and Aiba-san to the makeup room please,” an AD calls – the one Aiba thinks is cute enough to join AKB – and he raises his head in time to find Ohno’s gaze on him before Ohno nods his head at him. He swallows through the lump that formed in his throat and nods back, before he stands up to follow the AD’s lead.  
  
+  
  
  
“Have you talked to Leader?”  
  
“About what?” he asks, vaguely wishes he is with Sho instead of Aiba. They’re back in the greenroom after they’re done with makeup while the other three are being done up like dolls after them.   
  
“You know what,”  
  
“No,” he says, “I don’t know,”   
  
Aiba makes a sound that is part-amused, part-resigned before Nino feels himself getting poked on the side. “Fine, if you prefer it that way,” Aiba says, then, “anyway, do you know that Leader almost caused a very big trouble by saying he doesn’t want to do this detective drama afterall once he realized –“  
  
“What?!”  
  
Aiba gives him a look that clearly says, seriously, you don’t know?, and shakes his head at him. “Yep, you heard that right,” Aiba says, “Leader actually declined to do the drama but obviously he couldn’t back out anymore since, you know, everything’s been set already. The casts, the filming schedule, you  know –“  
  
“But why?” he cuts in as quickly as he can manage it. He knows Aiba is eyeing him carefully, as if Aiba is thinking whether it is better for him to know the whole story from Aiba himself rather than from other people.   
  
“You really don’t know?” Aiba asks, brows furrowed; he shakes his head, tongue in cheek.   
  
“Why the hell do you think I’m still asking if I already know?” he snaps. Aiba looks a little taken aback.  
  
“Because Leader found out that the guy you fucked around with - Tamaki-san - was casted as main guest for the final episode,” Aiba says, carefully, as if he is letting the information sinks in slowly. Nino doesn’t know why it feels like he is drowning as he sputters out a laugh that is borderline hysterical until he realizes Aiba is handing him a bottled water and telling him to pull himself together in the same worried breath.

 

INTERLUDE

 

“Is it true?” is the first thing he is asked the moment he sets one foot into the green room, his eyes automatically scanning the room for Nino and finds him seated at his usual spot on the couch with Jun.

“What is?”

“That you told your manager you didn’t want to do that drama?”

He sighs. “I asked him if we could talk to the producers about some casting changes, because I know it’s impossible for me not to go through with it anymore,” he points out, “but apparently, contracts have been drawn and signed the moment you were offer the part so, yeah,”

“Why, someone’s been casted that you feel like you don’t want to work with?”

“It’s not like I don’t –“ he starts, finds himself tearing his gaze away from Sho and directing it to Nino, vaguely aware of the fact that he’s still drawn to the younger man despite the obvious and far distance separating them. “you know what, let’s just not talk about it,” he says, feeling wholly exasperated about the whole thing. 

He knows that it’s stupid and equal parts childish to feel this way about someone who doesn’t have the slightest inkling why he he’s being hated in silence by someone else but it’s not like he can help it. Part of it is because he is sure the guy doesn’t know who he had managed to fucking ruin when he played around with Nino that night long ago in Kyoto but that doesn’t stop Ohno from hating him, from hating Nino, from hating the both of them.

His gaze zooms in to Nino and he swears something in his chest twists painfully the moment Nino raises his head and gazes into his direction, their eyes catching the same way they did so many times before.

Holding Nino’s gaze for a second, then two, he breathes, carefully, and nods his head just the slightest bit before he takes his gaze away, vaguely hearing Sho’s worried mumbles in the background, paying attention to nothing but the painful thudding of his heart against his ribcage knowing what he wants and knowing for certain he won’t ever have it again.

+

“Who’re you texting?” Aiba asks, watching him types something on his phone. He shrugs. Aiba leans over to check. “A date?” Aiba asks, loud enough to wake the dead. He grins and says nothing, dimly aware about the movement to his far right where Nino is sitting, gaming with his headphones on.

“If I get lucky,” he lies, giving Aiba a wink. From the corner of his eyes, he is certain Nino’s fingers falter on his console’s keypad before it is followed with the sounds of his character dying.

“Ohhhhh, sweet!” Aiba husks out, sounding over-eager despite the fact that his gaze keeps straying to where Nino is. He’s not sure what to make of it, not sure if he even wants to know because he is certain trying will only make his head hurt even more. “Do we know her?” Aiba follows, as if he hasn’t paused to give Nino a look.

“I think so,” he says, frowning at his phone and making sure he is reading her message right. _Group date?_ “She’s working for TBS. We worked with her once during Himitsu,”

“Oh, is she the one who is friends with Taichi-kun’s wife?” Aiba asks, sounding entirely curious.

“Yep,”

“Ohhhh. The pretty one, then. The one with the dimples?”

“Aiba-chan sure knows all the pretty ones, huh?” he returns with a wink and does his best not to let his eyes venture too far enough to catch sight of Nino. Aiba grins  back but it seems kinda off. He decides to let it go in favor of checking his phone.

_Yeah, a group date. Unless of course you don’t think it’s okay, but as far as I’m concerned, it’s pretty safer if we are to go out as a group, not just us. No one is going to think you are dating someone exclusively, right?_

Take it from someone who’s been working with celebrities for years to know exactly how to go around dating an idol without making it look like one, he thinks, mildly amused. Smiling to himself, he types her a reply.

_So what if I bring the other members with me? That way it would simply look like we went there to chill, the five of us. You can bring those friends of yours, those four others who are also working in TBS with you? They could join us, right?_

Her reply came not even five seconds after.

_Is it okay?_

_Why wouldn’t it be?_

_Won’t it cause a ruckus? The five of you in a club with us?_

_I don’t think so. It’s not like the five of us have never gone to a club before, because we have. People there usually don’t mind those around them. Unless of course you don’t think it’s a good idea?_

_I’m not worried about that, but more about your friends. If I tell mine about this group date, I’m sure they’ll say yes immediately. But are you sure you can convince_ your _friends to come?_

_I’m the Leader. I can ask them to go to hell with me and they won’t even hesitate to follow me._

_Right._

_But seriously, it’s okay. Just tell your friends and mail me what time we should meet. We’ll be there._

 

_Okay, then._

He grins and lifts his head to find Aiba’s gaze is on him. It unsettles him but he ignores it in favor of asking. “Hey, you guys are free after nine tonight, right?” Aiba blinks and tilts his head towards Nino’s direction, and Nino looking up just in time to meet Aiba’s eyes.

“Yes,” they both mutter.

He grins. “Jun-kun and Sho-chan, too, right?”

Aiba shrugs. “I guess so,” he says, then, “why?”

He brandishes his phone as if it is enough of an answer, then, with a very faked grin, he says, “She’s daring me to take you guys with me when I meet her tonight and I’m thinking of accepting the challenge,”

“What, like your chaperone?” Aiba asks, brows furrowed.

“Certainly not,” he says, “she’ll bring four of her friends too,”

“Oh, like a group date, you mean?” Aiba says intelligently. Nino snickers.

“Exactly like a group date,” he says.

Aiba takes his phone out then, mumbling, “Let me ask Sho-chan and Jun-chan,” before he is directing his gaze towards Nino. “How about you, Nino-chan? Are you up for the challenge?” he asks, biting his lips.

Just then, his phone beeps twice. “Yay! Sho-chan and Jun-chan are going! That leaves you, Ninomiya-san –“

“Fine,”

“Eh?”

Nino gives them both a look that is both exasperated and amused. “I said fine. If Leader wants to impress his girl by bringing all the members of Japan’s number one idol group to their date, fine. Count me in.” Nino says, nose in the air, obviously boasting. His chest aches with remembered pain but he ignores it.

_She’s not my girl,_ he wants to say, but decides to bite his tongue before he does so. Instead, he grins and taps Aiba on the shoulder.

“She said she will send me the photos of her friends in a bit. I’ll forward them to you then so you can choose who you’re going to go with later,”

“Good plan, Leader!” Aiba says, high-fiving him. “Send me the photos first, okay? I don’t want to be left out with the so-so looking just because Jun-chan already managed to grab the prettiest one. He always does that, afterall,”

He winks, faking a grin. “You got it,”

 

+

 

Somehow, he didn’t expect things to turn out the way it has, but he guesses it can’t be helped when everyone is drunk and he is looking at things far more than he probably ought to.

The table is clear saved from him and Nino because they both declined when Aiba suggested they should all go and invade the dance floor as a group. They’re both fairly intoxicated but it is evident in the way Nino is giggling and sticking close to him the way he normally wouldn’t that Nino had reached his limit hours ago.

He doesn’t realize he is staring until Nino is saying, loudly enough to rival the music’s thumping beat. “What?”

He finds himself cracking a smile then, swallowing the urge to weep as his hand lifts as if on autopilot, reaching over to slide a delicate finger across Nino’s cheek. Nino flinches a second too late and his heart aches fiercely at the sight but he guesses that’s just to be expected.

“Nothing,” he finds himself saying, letting his finger run across Nino’s heated cheek, wishing he could somehow block the memories from rushing back in like waves; at the memory of himself brushing soft touches across Nino’s skin in the dark. “I just. I didn’t know you can still do that,” he realized he is speaking again, biting his tongue a little too late when Nino’s eyes widen in answer.

“Do what?” Nino asks, and for a moment he looks thoroughly confused, his tone filled with so many things Ohno could hardly understand himself. He forces another smile and this time, he knows it is the one he wishes is genuine enough to reach his eyes.

“ _Break_ my heart,” he answers, taking his hand back as soon as the words are out of his mouth.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

“What, you mean like all of us?” the lady sitting beside Aiba asks, her voice high-pitched and giggly; he bites back the urge to snicker and opts on reaching over to grab the newly-refilled shot glass Jun had slid over in front of Sho.   
  
“Not. Yours,” Sho glares pointedly at him, slapping his hand lightly in reprimand; he grins, sheepish, suddenly feeling like a seven-year old that has been caught stealing candy.   
  
“You aren’t drinking it,” he points out, vaguely aware that he is slurring the words together like an old drunkard. He’s barely dodged getting hit on the head when Jun aims a swat to his direction.   
  
“But it still doesn’t mean you have to steal it, stupid,” Jun says. He scowls and pretends to make a face at everyone as he leans heavily against Aiba’s side. “Anyway, back to the original topic before Ninomiya-san stole the limelight –“  
  
“Yeah!” Aiba exclaims, still brimming with too much energy despite having as much drink as Nino. Nino wants to be jealous but it’s also difficult when he knows that the only other person who is patient enough to indulge him in his frequent bouts of self-pity is also a few drinks away from dropping face-first against any available flat surface. “Group dance! Good idea, right?” Aiba follows, waving his limbs around and dangerously hitting his date in the face. Good thing the lady’s reflexes are better than any of them when they’re drunk because she managed to dodge a flying palm to the face with ease.  
  
Opposite him, he watches, dazed, as Ohno’s date (girlfriend?) leans over to whisper something to Ohno’s ear, which Ohno answers with a slight shake of his head. He knows he should avert his eyes but he finds that he can’t, his curiousity winning over his sense of self-preservation. _Stupid_ , that voice inside his head tells him yet again, but he ignores it in favor of keeping his gaze locked on them despite the painful beat throbbing away in his chest.   
  
He watches as Ohno shifts to the side to face her, watches as Ohno mouths something at her too, probably in answer to her previous inquiry, Ohno’s lips almost pressed against her cheek and Nino is sure the slicing pain at the sight of it is enough to paralyze him from the inside.   
  
“So, let’s go?” Aiba proposes yet again and Nino has to strain hard to hear him, has to force himself to look away before he does something awful that will embarrass not only himself but his bandmates as well. “The dance floor is waiting,” Aiba adds, winking, or at least doing a damn funny impersonation of what a winking person should be.   
  
It’s hilarious but Nino is too busy trying to cover up the hurt that he doesn’t realize everyone is on their feet, including the girl that is supposed to be his date.   
  
“Lady Gaga, wait for me!” Aiba screams as he stumbles out of their booth in seemingly wobbly fashion, his date giggling with him as she hooks her arm around Aiba’s waist to steady him. They are followed by Jun and Sho and their dates. He turns in time to find his date, and Ohno’s girlfriend walking to either Jun and Sho’s other sides, hooking their arms around the two men’s free arms.   
  
When he looks up, he realizes Ohno is doing the same, their gazes catching in the middle.   
  
“Not going to join them?” he asks, curious. Ohno simply shrugs as if the gesture is answer enough. Maybe it is, Nino thinks, and doesn’t ask anymore, though he is contemplating whether it is better for him to follow the others than stay here, alone with Ohno. “Um, I was thinking of staying back as well. But –“  
  
The sounds of glass clicking prompts him to look, finding Ohno grabbing the discarded bottle of alcohol on the table, and following its trajectory from where Ohno had picked it up.  
  
“It’s fine, we can just finish this, then,” Ohno says, “Next one’s on you, Ninomiya-san,” Ohno mumbles then, lifting the half-empty bottle of _sake_ in the air, the gesture so familiar it does something even more painful to Nino’s heart.   
  
He is nodding before he can stop himself, throat dry and lips even drier as he watches Ohno pour alcohol into the shot glass, wondering whether he should follow the others or stay.  
  
“In one go, okay?” Ohno says, the edges of his mouth curled with feigned mirth and that settles it. He is eyeing Ohno’s hand, the one handing over the shot glass filled with alcohol before his eyes travel from it to Ohno’s grinning face.  
  
He chuckles despite that damn lump blocking his throat, accepting the challenge with a returning grin.   
  
“You got it,” he says and tips the contents of the glass into his mouth in one go without taking his gaze off of Ohno.  
  
  
+  
  
He doesn’t know who moved first, how he ended up sitting next to Ohno when they were sitting just opposite each other before. Though Ohno sure looks like he doesn’t mind the sitting arrangement now, he still wonders if it’s okay, especially when he finds Ohno’s gaze straying from the drinks they’re sharing and to his face. It’s difficult to look away when even the simple thing as looking at Ohno brings him pain he doesn’t know how else to handle, when he can just make out the mirrors of the same thing reflected in Ohno’s eyes when he smiles.  
  
It’s confusing and equal-parts frustrating, seeing the same thing written all over Ohno’s face but knowing they mean something else.  
  
Outside the booth, the thumping bass is as noisy as it’s ever been but the noises from the crowd enjoying themselves outside are a welcomed distraction.  
  
“I think it’s your turn,” he says, eyeing the shot glass Ohno is handing over. “Isn’t it?”  
  
“You’re so drunk,” Ohno counters as if to prove his point but he doesn’t complain when Nino deflects the offered drink with a grin. He doesn’t drink it though; just puts the glass down without another word.  
  
“I think I am,” he slurs, and somehow, the admission tickles him. He’s not sure what’s in it that struck him as funny but he finds himself giggling before he can stop himself, finds himself pressed into the older man’s warm side before he realizes it.  
  
He's fairly intoxicated; it’s obvious in the way he is acting like the biggest idiot next to the man who still – and always will -  means the world to him and as if he has all the right to be acting like one after every single wrong thing he’s done, giggling with no reason at all. He is also sticking close to Ohno the way he normally wouldn't, brushing intentional touches to any part of Ohno he can reach and feeling vaguely like he ought to be embarrassed, but he's not. He knows it’s the alcohol doing it, but it's hard to feel anything, to act like nothing’s wrong between them when he feels woozy and every single thing he comes up with seems funny even in his own head.  
  
He catches Ohno looking and his heart thrums unevenly inside his ribcage, the familiar ' _behold, Ohno is close and he's looking_ ' kind-of beat is there again despite the fact that he's supposed to be drunk enough to ignore it. He’s not, though, and it’s clear that even if he is, his heart is still sober enough to know that the very reason it is in so much pain is the same person sitting next to him now.  
  
"What? " he whispers, once he at least work up the nerve to ask, mouth tilting ruefully at the edges.  
  
Ohno smiles, soft and a little sad and he leans back a second too late when Ohno reaches over to slide a finger across his cheek that he wasn't able to avoid it.  
  
"Nothing, " Ohno says, his voice as gentle as his finger brushing soft touches across Nino's cheek. "I just. I didn't know you can still do that," Ohno mumbles, and Nino tries tracking the movement of Ohno's lips, tries making sense of the fact that Ohno is touching him, willingly, that Ohno's eyes are on him, and they are as close together the way they haven't been for weeks.  
  
"Do what?" he asks, a touché confused.  
  
A smile appears at the corners of Ohno's mouth, the one that does things to Nino's heart, and Nino almost, almost gasps at the mostly forgotten ache that blooms in his chest at the sight.  
  
"Break _my_ heart," Ohno answers simply, before he takes his hand back as if he’s been burned. Then he stands up and Nino watches him open his mouth to say something but snaps it shut again the second after before he steps away.  
  
  
+  
  
Nino doesn’t know how he managed to get up from his seat and on his feet within seconds to follow Ohno, just that he somehow did despite the feeling that he is going to fall over soon. He seized Ohno by his wrist before he manages to leave the booth, before he gets his hand on the door.  
  
“Leader –“  
  
“Gonna head out for a smoke,” is what Ohno says when he turns back around to face him, his face devoid with emotion even though his eyes are saying something else. “Then I’ll check if the others are done. I’ll be back with them, hopefully. You can stay here,” he says, and then he’s off before Nino is able to say anything.  
  
Nino watches him go. His turned back, the stiffness of his shoulders as he walks away, as he tries his best not to bump against each other on his way out. He’s not sure what triggers it, but somehow, Nino finds himself leaving the booth too, stepping out to follow Ohno despite his wobbling legs.  
  
That tiny voice inside his head is screaming at him to stop but he doesn’t listen. Instead, he blocks it off with a curse as he sets off to follow wherever Ohno is headed to.  
  
  
+  
  
It’s a blessing, Nino thinks, that Ohno didn’t decide to get to where he was headed to by sliding through the crowd of dancing people on his way out and had opted on walking around them he’s almost tiptoeing forward with one of his hands pressed against the bar’s wall. He sure looks like he is having a hard time but Nino doesn’t let it bother him. The fact that Ohno is walking so very slowly is an advantage for Nino. That way, he is able to spot the older man easily.   
  
There’s a door leading to the bar’s back alley. He knows the instant he saw it that it’s where Ohno is headed. He feels dizzy, his mouth dry as he watches the door swings open, Ohno slipping out with ease and shutting it close behind him.  
  
The music is louder than ever; he can feel the thumping beat of the drum on the ground he is walking on, can hear the earsplitting noises of the crowd dancing in the middle of the bar as it follows him out. He almost bumped into two guys kissing by the door when he steps out of it, barely managing to step out of the way to find where Ohno’s gone to.  
  
He locates the older man heading for the spot near the lamp post, his back facing Nino, his cigarette already in hand. He doesn’t even think twice, doesn’t even hesitate despite the uneasy thrum in his veins, despite the way his heart keeps telling him to _back up,_ _stop_.  
  
“Leader,” he calls, loud enough for Ohno to hear him when he is close enough to do so. His heart aches at the sight of Ohno’s shoulders stiffening in response to his voice, the pain doubling on its own when he realizes Ohno barely shifted to acknowledge him.  
  
He should go, he knows it, knows how bad it is that he’s here when his chest is expanding with every breath, when he can feel his annoyance sizzling at the  back of his neck with every footsteps. He knows he should turn around, ignore the debilitating need to ask Ohno what he meant when he said the last words he left him with before he stepped outside, to not feel offended at the fact that Ohno is choosing what’s probably the best way for them not to collide against each other which might end up with them arguing here by ignoring him.  
  
He should but he can’t.  
  
He stops when he is barely two steps away from Ohno; he is close enough that he can feel each puff of breath leaving Ohno’s lips and he is reaching over to grab the nearest part of Ohno he can get his hands into – Ohno’s elbow – his fist closing around it before Ohno is able to wriggle away.  
  
“Go back inside, Nino,” Ohno growls under his breath, his tone as cold as Nino’s hand clasped around Ohno’s elbow. It’s the tone Ohno uses when he’s fucking serious and for the life of him, Nino knows it’s Ohno’s obvious way of saying _I’m so close to punching you in the face right now so leave before I do_ but he couldn’t care less.   
  
Self preservation be damned. “Go inside and leave me alone,” Ohno follows, tugging his arm away for good measure even though he still doesn’t dare look back.   
  
Nino feels his blood turns to fire, his fingernails digging into Ohno’s skin it has to be painful, hissing, “Not until you tell me –“ he says, or at least starts to but he is stopped halfway through  because then Ohno is turning so quickly around to seize him by his shoulders, backing him against the bar alley’s wall, his face so close to Nino’s own he can smell smoke and alcohol when Ohno breathes, his eyes wide as Ohno presses closer and closer still, mouth set into a thin line. 


	7. Chapter 7

“I told you to go inside, didn’t I?” Ohno hisses in between gritted teeth. Nino finds himself overwhelmed with the fact that Ohno is so close he can literally breathe the air leaving Ohno’s mouth, shuddering at the closeness and the warmth radiating from Ohno’s body.

It doesn’t matter how many times Nino denies he wants this, how long he’d struggled to believe a lie he himself had created just to keep himself from chasing the shadows of a past long gone because everything, down to the very last thing that had broken what him and Ohno have before was all his doing.

But even now, even after everything have been said and done, Ohno only needs to step closer for him to be reminded of it all over again. That Ohno  simply has look him in the eye for him to be reminded how a fool he’d been for wanting something he had the privilege to own before but knows he won’t ever get to have again no matter what.

It’s there in Ohno’s eyes afterall – the pain of Nino’s betrayal, coupled with regret and so many other things Nino’s so familiar with because he knows them, he feels them, he suffers because of them up until now. But he swears there’s a trace of longing in there too, but it’s too little compared to the hatred staring back at him now, to the disappointment marring the edges of Ohno’s mouth as they look at each other. Nino doesn’t need to ask, and Ohno doesn’t need to say it because it’s clear, it has been clear eversince the night Nino confessed his mistake that Ohno would have eventually hated him for it even though Ohno did say he was forgiven.

But what baffles him is the words Ohno left him with earlier, when he said something a while back that had him following Ohno out, even though he’s not sure what had prompted it.

Or maybe he does – he do – it’s just difficult to admit it now that Ohno is so close that the proximity is making it even harder for him to think.

“I will, but only if you tell me what you meant when you said -” he asks then pauses when Ohno’s hold around his shoulders tighten, his courage shattering along with his pride; he can feel the thrum of something heady and dangerous between them and it is so strong that it is enough to make him dizzy, and Nino knows that another second of this is going to cost them more than what he sure he’d bargained for.

Their friendship had long suffered the consequences and Nino is sure that one more push into the wrong direction will be the end of him and Ohno, and probably Arashi.

He bites his tongue if only to keep himself from talking, watching the way the shadows of so many unknown emotions pass through Ohno’s eyes. His courage had long abandoned him, his pride he is sure is about to go too.

“There’s nothing to tell,” Ohno says, hisses, and Nino feels the last of his hope crumble to the ground.

He wishes he could un-hear him, could un-see the pain painted all over Ohno’s face but he knows that it’s too late.

_Break my heart,_ Ohno had said, and Nino would be lying if he say it didn’t surprise him because it did. Surprising doesn't even quite cut it. Shocked is probably the right term if Nino is going to be honest about it for it was given that he’d hurt Ohno because of what he did, had angered him even for doing something so stupid behind Ohno’s back, but break his heart? He didn’t think so. How could he even manage that if there’s no love between them, at least from Ohno’s part, because he knew – he _knows_ – that he wouldn’t have done what he did if he knew Ohno at least care for him or feel something for him, at least a portion of what he always felt for the older man. But he knows that Ohno _didn't_ - _doesn't_ , and that's that.  And if there’s a heart that had been broken the night he told Ohno about the mistake he committed in Kyoto, it clearly wasn’t supposed to be Ohno’s, but his.

It was his heart that was  broken the moment he walked out of Ohno’s door… was his heart that had been torn into a thousand, unrecognizable pieces the moment he stepped forward and didn’t look back.

So what did Ohno mean now?

He watches the way Ohno’s mouth open as if to follow up the words he’d said before  but closes it again immediately afterwards. Then he is stepping back and leaving Nino staggering on his feet, shifting to his side as if he is debating between walking away and staying when a movement from the direction of the door catches his attention, and clearly Ohno's too.

It is Sho. “Guys? What’s wrong?” Sho asks, and his voice is marred with worry it’s almost comical given the circumstances. Nino doesn’t even need to see the older man’s face to know that he wears it on his face too, his gaze switching from the ground to the tight line of Ohno’s shoulders from behind.

“Nothing,” he says when he at least found his voice, steadying himself and wishing Sho hadn’t came to interrupt. It’s obvious that he’s not going to get any answers from Ohno now and maybe, that’s for the best. But still, it doesn’t stop him from wanting to punch a hole on Sho’s face for popping up at the most inconvenient time, despite the fact that Sho had probably just saved him from ending up with a hole on his own what with the obvious way Ohno was eyeing him moments before.

“Leader and I just went out here for a smoke,” he reasons,  “or five. You want some?” he asks, though he just remembers that he doesn’t have any cigarette with him. He left his mostly empty pack on the table back inside.

“No, thanks,” Sho says, sounding curious. “Anyway, I just came here to tell you that our lady friends have probably had enough of Aiba’s perverted jokes, unsurprisingly of course, since we all know how damn dirty his mouth could be when he’s this drunk. They also said it’s probably high time they call it a night. Satoshi-kun’s date, though, was asking if –“

Ohno is turning around and marching back towards the exit door before Sho can finish. “Yeah, I’ll go with her,” Ohno says, pushing the door unnecessarily roughly and leaves them there, him and Sho, behind. He doesn’t bother looking, doesn’t bother glancing up from where he has his eyes are fixed, trying to burn a hole in the ground, still as a rock even when Sho comes over to stand next to him.

“I came at a bad time, didn’t I?” Sho asks, but it sounded more like a statement rather than a question and Nino finds himself chuckling in return despite the almost unbearable ache throbbing away in his chest. “Sorry,”

“Not your fault,” he says, meaning it. He isn’t sure why his voice sounded so far away, like it doesn’t belong to him, but probably it’s just because he is drunk. Maybe he should sleep it off, maybe he should sleep everything off hoping they will be gone by morning. They won’t, but hey, it’s worth the shot. “I think Leader’s just pissed at me for trying to steal his cigarette, I’m sure it’s nothing personal,” he adds, lying through his teeth and wondering how he can still think properly despite the almost blinding urge to follow Ohno and beg him, for answers or for forgiveness he’s not at all sure at this point.

“Nino, you’re crying,” Sho breathes, and Nino realizes that he is, surprisingly so when he reaches up, finding his cheeks are damp and his chin is quivering. He doesn’t know when he started crying, when he started shedding the tears meant for no one to see. But to be honest, it doesn’t matter. He’s just glad that at least, Sho is not Ohno, and that Ohno is no longer around to see him break down like he has all the fucking right.

He wipes the stubborn tears away and laughs shakily without daring looking up knowing that he’s not going to be able to keep his cool if he has to see the pity on Sho’s eyes. “It’s the alcohol, Sho-chan,” he lies, wondering whether it is better to keep his mouth shut at this point because he knows that the more he talks, the more likely he’s going to give himself away. “the alcohol and those few sentimental bones I have in my body acting up, I swear. Give me a minute to compose myself and I’ll be after you,”

“Nino –“

He turns away, feels his shoulders shake along with the rest of him at the sheer pain of having to see Ohno walk away.

“J-Just go,” he whispers, biting his lips hard enough to keep the noises in. “Please, just go, Sho-chan,”

Sho says nothing, not even a word and for that Nino is glad. He doesn’t talk, he doesn’t ask Nino what’s wrong but Nino figures he already knows, the same way Aiba and Jun had known even without Nino telling them. He doesn’t leave either, and just stays there behind Nino, quiet, watching as Nino muffles his sobs into the palm of his hands, regretting everything he’s done, till now.

 

+

 

The next couple of days have been a struggle, not only for Nino but also for his friends who now have to tiptoe around him and Ohno whenever they’re on the same vicinity. It’s bad enough that Ohno has taken to keeping his thoughts to himself, retreating himself to a corner with his script, or at least when he’s not snoozing against any available surface.

It’s also obvious that the other three have been talking about the current status of his and Ohno’s relationship behind their backs, what with the forlorn and pitiful looks he gets from them from time to time but he’s too tired and too engrossed in trying to keep his shit together enough to care.

But at least there’s work, and once they’re in front of the camera, there’s no mistaking about their roles in the group and how they know they are supposed to handle it. At least while they’re filming, he can pretend that nothing’s wrong. Ohno is going to smile when he does, and he’s not going to flinch when Nino puts his arms around him the way he’s done so many times in the past.

It should be easy, he thinks. As easy as trying to mend the pain with false reassurances that someday, somehow, it’ll get better. They may not be able to get back the trust they’ve once given each other anymore, but maybe he can mend the cracks his betrayal had caused the two of them, especially their friendship, and Nino knows it’ll be worth the effort. For now, he guesses it is better to let Ohno heal his wounds all by himself, without interference from Nino, and maybe then it’ll be okay. Maybe then, when they are both ready to put the past behind them, he will  be able to find his way back to Ohno’s heart, even if it’s not the same way as before, but at least they could go back to being friends.

That is actually more than enough for Nino, to be honest.

But then he looks at Ohno and sees all the things he can no longer have and guesses it’s never going to be easy. He loves the older man so much afterall, and no amount of begging or waiting is going to make him forgive himself for all the wrongs he’s done.

 

+

 

"Okay, we're going to do the real take now," the director yells into the megaphone and Nino vaguely heard him as his mind once again drifted somewhere else, particularly where him and Ohno are still talking and not avoiding each other like they're strangers.

He goes into position as if on autopilot, barely hearing the ADs and everyone around him as he works into letting himself hang onto the railing, hearing his laboured breathing once he's there.

The countdown begins and Nino forces himself to focus but it's difficult when his vision keeps crossing and his arms are shaking. He should have probably requested a protein bar or two while he was on break earlier but he ignored the hunger in favor burying his nose into his console with hopes of beating that level he's been on for more than a week if only to forget how Ohno had outright ignored him the night before.

He is breaking into sweat, his palms equally sweaty but he wills himself to hold on a little bit more. He can't say anything now, can't do nothing more than close his eyes and gathers enough strength not to let go unless it's on cue because he knows he'll either end up with broken bones or worse, dead.

From somewhere, another countdown begins and he knows it's his cue. But his arms are shaking something bad and his grip around the rail is  loosening, his stomach lurking with something akin to fear the moment his grip slipped and then there are voices yelling from the background.

"Not yet, Ninomiya-san!"

"Oh my god, is he okay? Someone get up there and -"

Nino feels the world slip from his grasp as he closes his eyes and blocks the noises out.

"Ninomiya-san!"

 

\------------------------------------------

 

**INTERLUDE**

 

“Can’t you go any faster?” he grunts, his scowl deepening every goddamn second that ticks by. He is alternating between checking the road and the messages flooding his phone for the past ten minutes since he boarded this cab, feeling like he ought to yell at his manager for not being there to drive him, at _himself_ for not having a car, much more a license so he doesn’t have to depend on a cab or his manager to drive him especially during emergencies.  
  
“I’m doing my best, Sir,” the cab driver – a middle-aged man with beard and tired but easy smile – replies, eyeing him through the mirror. “but there’s a speed limit of 160 here and we’re already –“ he says, pointing, “at 158. If I go any faster, I’m sure we won’t be able to get past the next intersection before the traffic police are chasing us,”  
  
“But –“  
  
“We’re almost there, Sir,” the cab driver tells him, not giving him any chance to complain and that shuts him up considerably. “Please calm down. Twelve minutes, fifteen max, that’s the least I can do. Please hang in there,”  
  
He settles back with a sigh knowing that there’s nothing he can do at this point. The only thing he can do is wait until the driver gets him to where he needs to be, feeling that ugly twisting in his gut and knowing what is causing it.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, knowing full well that the driver didn’t – doesn’t deserve his ire, or anyone else for that matter, not exactly waiting for a reply and chucking when he gets a sort-of hushed “No need for apologies, Sir. Emergencies are emergencies, so I do understand your desire to get there as fast you possibly can, but it’s also my job to make sure you get there safe and sound, so, allow me?” answer anyway.  
  
He allows himself a little smile despite the still heavy feeling settling at the pit of his stomach and nodding.   
  
“Thank you,”  
  
  
+  
  
  
His phone vibrates in his hand at the same time he gets to the lobby, heart in his throat when he realizes who is calling.  
  
He doesn’t bother answering; he can’t, for he doesn’t trust his voice enough not to shake as he half-run towards the direction where he knows the Emergency room is. Sho said Nino was taken there, not even half an hour after the accident to be treated and he’s pretty certain he’s still there as what Aiba had said when he last talked to him before he left the set.  
  
Two familiar figures greet him from behind just as he rounded the corner, almost bumping into an elderly man being wheeled out from there on a wheelchair.   
  
“Sho-kun! Aiba-chan!” he calls, willing his knees not to shake as he jogs forward, Aiba quickly leaving Sho’s side to welcome him with a one-armed hug the minute he is close enough to do so.   
  
He pulls back, breathing raggedly from running. “Aiba-chan, how is he?” he is asking before Aiba can even open his mouth. “Is he okay? Where is  he –“ he stutters, chest heaving and he swears something in his stomach lurches painfully the moment his gaze settles on Aiba’s face, at the tears marring Aiba’s cheeks.  
  
“He’s _gone_ , Leader,” Aiba chokes out, eyes too bright, his face as pale as a ghost’s, “Nino-chan is gone,” he follows, voice shaking along with the rest of him and Ohno is certain the world just crashed beneath his feet without him knowing it.  
  
  
+  
  
  
The pain is overwhelming that he’s not sure how he still manages to choke out, “No, no you’re not serious, no –“ until Aiba cuts him off.  
  
“ _Oh_ ,” Aiba exclaims, probably sensing the grave mistake he’s made and grabs him before he makes a scene. “Oh! That’s not what I meant, Leader! I mean, Nino-chan’s gone, because he left and we don’t know where he went. Jun-chan is verbally boxing the poor doctor’s ears now for letting him go –“  
  
“Oh _god_ , oh my god –“ he breathes, feels his legs give out on him at the same time Sho came over in a rush to catch him before he falls.  
  
  
+  
  
“Ouch!” Aiba whines, massaging his throbbing head where Jun’s palm landed half a second ago. They’re on a bench with Sho and Aiba on either side of him while Jun is standing opposite them. He looks more than a little annoyed but he figures that’s just understandable given the circumstances.   
  
He is, too, but it’s hard to be annoyed when he is also extremely worried he can barely think past the fact that Nino, in his rare moments of stupidity, has decided to leave the hospital once he’d been treated without informing his manager or their bandmates alike where he’s going.  
  
“You deserve more than ten consecutives smack to the head for scaring Leader like that!” Jun half-yells, making Aiba cower to his side like a poor kitten in front of its predator. “Stupid, you can’t even phrase your words properly!”  
  
“I’m sorry!”  
  
“Matsujun, it’s okay,” he says, holding out a hand to stop Jun from further hitting Aiba, vaguely aware of Sho mumbling things to himself as he types things on his phone. “What did the doctor say anyway? How was Nino before he left him?”  
  
Jun huffs and gives Aiba a pointed ‘ _I’m watching you’_ stare before he directs his gaze to him. “Few bruises on his arms and legs, plus a minor sprain,” Jun says, and he feels himself wince before he realizes it. “said there were no broken bones, thankfully,  not even a minor concussion because the truck driver managed to get there on time with the mattress and all to cushion his fall. He’s lucky, because a second too late would have been fatal. He would have fell to the ground without anything to cushion him and he would have –“  
  
“He’s not home,” Sho cuts in, his phone still pressed into his ear. “Silver wolf-san is there with his manager. The apartment’s empty,”  
  
“I swear to god he can be stupid when he wants to be,” Jun grumbles, annoyed.  
  
“Did they check his mother’s place?” he is saying before he realizes it, “He probably –“  
  
“We called her first,” Aiba answers this time, “was a little hysterical when we told her Nino-chan met a minor accident and is now MIA. She said to make sure to find him and bring him home to her so she could hit him for worrying her and us,”  
  
“And his phone is still turned off so we can’t fucking trace his location,” Sho says through tightly gritted teeth. Then, turning his attention to whoever’s on the other line, “Okay, Ji-chan, thanks for your help, bye,”  
  
“So, that’s that,” Sho says, looking extremely annoyed, and coupled with worry, he looks so damn scary. “I’ve tried Takahashi-san too, but it seemed like the old guy is out of the country with his girlfriend and their child,”   
  
“Goddamn, that jerk –“ Jun is cursing things under his breath that it’s equally scary. Next to him, Aiba is shivering, probably because of fear more than anything else. “What in hell is he even thinking? Running off like that and not telling anyone where he’s fucking going. I am seriously pissed and I swear if I see him, I’m going to –“  
  
“Hit him?” Aiba asks, voice small and sheepish.   
  
Jun is scowling and is reaching over to smack Aiba again, grumbling, “Yeah, the same way I’m going to do to you now,” but he is no longer listening. He is up on his feet before the rest of them realizes what is happening, and is off to a run towards the nearest door without bothering glancing back to tell them where he’s going.  
  
  
+  
  
“Sir, are you sure –“  
  
“Just go around that block,” he says, pointing, ignoring the driver’s oncoming complaints as he stares ahead. He can very well understand the driver’s concern about driving around here, especially with the fact that it’s late and that even though Otemachi is buzzling with people during daytime, it’s obviously not the case at one in the morning.  
  
But it’s also what made him realize that Nino might be here, that Nino might consider coming here, because Nino always does when he wants to think.  
  
He’s not at all sure if that is the case this time around but he guesses he’s got nothing else to lose now. If Nino isn’t here then he’ll have to scour all the places he knows Nino frequents until he finds him.  
  
  
His gaze wanders past a sign post, a roadside garbage bin and a bench placed close to it, gasps sharply when his eyes catches something.   
  
“Sir –“  
  
He lifts a hand to stop the driver from talking, spotting what - or more precisely who - he’s been looking for despite the dim light.   
  
“Stop here,” he says, fingers finding the door’s handle. The car slows to a stop and he is already pushing it open before the car’s even fully stopped moving. The driver looks about ready to say something again but he beats him to it, deciding not to pay the driver yet just to be sure he’s not going to drive off the second after. “Drive around when I motioned you to, but for now, just wait here,” he says, closing the door and half-running to where Nino is.  
  
  
+  
  
It’s cold. Ohno feels it down to his bones despite the relatively warm jacket he’s wearing but one look at Nino’s hunched form from behind and he is sure the jacket will not stay with him for long.   
  
There are snippets of conversation that he wishes he can block for now as he approaches Nino but it’s hard. It’s hard but he mans up, walking the rest of the way to where Nino is despite the familiar, painful way his heart is throbbing beneath his ribcage with every step. There’s that equally familiar longing twisting inside his chest, something he’s probably never going to get used to even after so long but he guesses it is to be expected.   
  
He loves Nino so much, afterall.   
  
He loves Nino and that’s that; no pieces of ugly truth or half-stated lies are going to change the fact no matter what and he probably should have stopped pretending they ever will.   
  
And if Nino _doesn’t_ , especially not after all the shit they went through after the night Nino came home only to leave again, he guesses he will still love Nino despite it. There’s just no way to change where they’re going to end up after this, (and if there is, if there’s any way, he’s certain he’ll grab the opportunity quickly enough to turn things around for him and Nino, to correct their mistakes) but at least this time, after everything he’s learned, he’ll make sure to tell Nino he loves the other man the way he never had before then let fate do its job afterwards.   
  
He’s tired of running, afterall; tired from running away from his feelings, from regretting the things he said and didn’t, tired from holding himself back when all he wanted was to keep walking forward enough to reach Nino. He’d been so careful not to give too much when all he wanted was to give Nino his everything, so scared that when he said the words he was dreading to hear from Nino himself eversince the night they slept together the first time, he wouldn’t be left with anything to defend himself with once Nino decides to leave.  
  
And Nino did. But only because he pushed him away, only because Nino didn’t – doesn’t know that Nino means the world to him that the fact alone is enough to wreck him, shatter him, knowing that he’s never going to be enough for Nino, that one day Nino will leave and he won’t even think that he is going to be leaving with every single pieces of Ohno’s broken heart clinging to his feet.  
  
He’s close enough to Nino now that he can just stretch his arms and he’ll be able to touch him but he holds himself. Instead, he crosses them tightly over his chest but not before he shivers out of his jacket, throws it carefully around Nino’s back before he sits himself down next to Nino quietly.  
  
  
“Matsujun’s pissed,” he says after a long stretch of silence shared between them. He wonders if he ought to have said something else instead because the moment he glances to his right, he realized Nino is crying.   
  
“I bet he is,” Nino returns, voice even despite the misery clinging to his every word, probably not at all aware that he has tears in his eyes still and his nose is so red it’s almost ridiculously cute if not for the fact that he also looks entirely miserable. “Did he threaten you guys to scour the whole of Tokyo to find me?”  
  
“No,” he says, “I left them at the hospital. They didn’t know where I was going when I left,”  
  
“Hmm,”  
  
He’s not sure what else he should be saying, or if there is anything he should be saying now when all he wants is to gather Nino in his arms and hold him, hold him, hold him. He can’t though, squashing the urge hard just so he won’t need to think of it again, eyes tracking Nino’s face carefully.  
  
“What the fuck happened, Nino?” he finds himself asking, eyes focused on the black-blue bruise forming at side of Nino’s upper cheek. Now that he’s close to Nino, certain that Nino is fine saved from the bruises and the minor sprain (which he has to check for himself later on), his worries are quickly  being replaced with anger before he can even stop it. “This – fuck, do you know that you almost –“  
  
“Died?” Nino cuts in, looking entirely uncaring. Ohno is torn between hitting him and putting him in a headlock, shake the fuck out of him to maybe try and put some sense into his fucking head while he’s at it. “Yeah, but I didn’t. I’m still alive, as you can see. You can hit me, if you just want to make sure you’re not talking to a ghost or something,”  
  
“You’re so fucking stupid,”  
  
Nino huffs out an almost disbelieving snort. “Don’t I know it?” he opens his mouth to say something, anything, but the sounds of the cab honking stop him.   
  
“Shit,” he mutters, standing up and grabbing Nino by the shoulder to help him up. “Come on, I’m taking you home,”  
  
“Home –?”  
  
“Yes,” he agrees, waving his hand to the driver then reaching over to pull his jacket firmly around Nino. “Home. You don’t actually think I’m going to leave you here, do you?”

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

INTERLUDE

If Nino was surprised when he told the driver his apartment’s address, he didn’t show it nor did he say anything to question Ohno’s decision and had simply curled onto himself the way Ohno supposes he normally would given the circumstances. Its how Nino deals with things he doesn’t want to face upfront, afterall, and frankly, he wonders why he only realized it now.  
  
They reached his apartment in under twenty minutes, the normally forty-five minutes trip is lessened due to the fact that the roads are almost empty saved from few late-night (or very early morning) cabs driving along the highway.  
  
Once they are out of the cab though, Nino seems to have recovered his brain, _and_ his mouth, mumbling an almost pathetic sounding, “I thought I’m not welcome here anymore, so why -” then pauses when he realized what he just said, looking like he is contemplating between running off or walking the opposite way and thus making Ohno feel vaguely like someone has just slapped him hard in the face.   
  
“Jesus Christ, what the fuck are you even saying?” he grunts, grabbing Nino by his elbow and steering him to the direction of the lift without letting go; Nino hesitates for all of five seconds before he let himself be guided forward, as slowly as his limping foot would allow him, quiet and willing, his bottom lip caught in between his teeth and worrying it.  
  
Ohno feels his heart take a dangerous dive from his chest to his stomach at the sight, his heart breaking at the way Nino is trying his hardest not to wince with every step. Something painful is twisting inside him, barely able to keep himself from reaching over and pulling Nino into his arms and off the ground just so he won’t have to use his injured foot anymore but knows that he can’t.   
  
Instead, he keeps his fingers tightly wrapped around Nino’s elbow despite wanting to put his arms around Nino’s waist to help him carry Nino’s weight off of his injured foot, biting his tongue hard enough to swallow the urge and letting Nino decide the pace as he steers him in towards the elevator door. There, he finds himself punching the number of his floor harder than is necessary, finds himself quietly regretting every single thing he did, _and_ hadn’t, up until this point as he pulls Nino inside the elevator with him, gently as he could manage it, realizing belatedly that he still has his fingers wrapped around Nino’s elbow when he glances up and sees their reflection on the elevator’s wall.  
  
Nino seems to realize it too because one moment he is still as a rock and then on the next, he is looking down to avoid Ohno’s eyes entirely, and Ohno feels the tell-tale shudder that rocks Nino’s frame beneath his hand before he reluctantly lets go.  
  
The elevator ascends and Ohno is sure he won’t ever forget the look on Nino’s face when he takes his hand back, or if he even wants to. He can’t help himself wishing whether they’ll be able to fix this thing between them somehow despite all the craps they’ve managed to put each other through during the past year and if they can’t, then he guesses trying to fix the friendship, at the very least, should be his top priority.  
  
Fixing the relationship may be farfetched, impossible even, if someone happened to ask him about it a day before. But that’s no longer the case now, to be honest, especially after everything that he’d been told, and after the fact that he almost, almost lost Nino forever.  He can’t help wondering if the mistake Nino had so very honestly admitted he did then, the one thing that broke them apart and ruined them could have been easily prevented if only Nino had been entirely truthful, but somehow, wondering about it now won’t change anything about how things ended up between them.   
  
It won’t, not anymore, but maybe, it is easier to hope that they can still save what could be saved even if it’s a year too late.    
  
But then again, as he watch the reflection of himself and Nino, of the tiny but seemingly un-crossable distance separating them, he wonders if that very same reason that broke them, the very reason that made Nino walk away ever even mattered to him like he thought it did then.  
  
He closes his eyes for a moment and lets go of the breath he realizes he is holding, taking the half-step closer to Nino’s side and putting his arm around Nino’s waist despite the tell-tale feel of Nino’s body stiffening against him.  
  
He ignores it. It’s difficult but he toughs it up, resigning himself to the fact that this is how it’s going to be between them from here on. Still, it doesn’t stop him imagining the what-ifs, as his mind allows him the luxury of taking him back to the earlier conversation he had with the man who he spent the better part of the year hating in silence  
  
  
  
  
 _Tamaki-san looked entirely unperturbed as he stood there, mouth gaping open like a fish out of water. “You’re lying,” he mumbled, too stunned to even come up with something better to say as the jackass whose face he’d been dreading to break with his fist simply tilt his head as if he couldn’t be bother to explain himself any further. “You’re fucking lying,” he repeated, hissing, tasting bile in his tongue._  
  
 _“Why would I?” the man said, “It wouldn’t benefit me to lie to you, Ohno-san, not even for one bit, and to be honest, even if I’m going to get something, anything, from actually telling you this, rest assured, I’m not after it,” he said. The defiance he was trying to convey from the way he regarded Ohno completely countered the way he talked, the way his voice sounded so sincere, apologetic._  
  
 _“I just. I was wrong, and I’m here to make amends. A year too late, I know, and telling you this probably won’t even make a difference but I’ll say it anyway.” the man said, then bowed, head held low and said, “I’m sorry, Ohno-san,” and Ohno honestly didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry. It was my fault that you guys –“ he paused here, and Ohno figured he was carefully picking the proper words before he say them and he honestly didn’t know what to feel in the face of such surprising consideration. “ – that everything ended the way it did because, I swear, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. If I had known, I wouldn’t even think it, I wouldn’t even dare, but that’s something I won’t be able to change now no matter how hard I want to.”_  
  
 _The man raised his head then and their eyes met, a half-sheepish smile tugging at the corners of the man’s mouth.  “I didn’t know but it seems that by half-jokingly offering myself that night to Ninomiya-san, I accidentally ruined something despite not knowing it. I swear, it wasn’t my intention, but it happened anyway. And for that, I am sorry,”_  
  
 _“Half-jokingly?” the word tore themselves out of his mouth before he could even stop it; “You expect me to believe that when you – when you fucked –“_  
  
 _“I didn’t,” Tamaki-san cut in, “I told you I didn’t.” he pointed out firmly and Ohno didn’t know whether to believe him or whether to shut him up quickly with a fist to the face.  “We didn’t, okay? Well we almost did but before we could even – before I could even get him to bed, he stopped. He stopped, okay? He was crying, Ohno-san. He was crying and we haven’t even managed anything more than a few kisses,” he found himself wincing here, feeling his anger resurfacing. “He was so miserable and he kept on saying he couldn’t do it, that he couldn’t ever do it even though he thought he wanted to. I didn’t know what to say, what to do and then before I realized it, he was apologizing, still crying, and just like that, he left. He left, Ohno-san. I followed him just to make sure he was okay, but I couldn’t find him. I was told he went back to Tokyo that same night,”_  
  
 _“What the fuck?” he hissed, though that’s the only thing he was able to manage, what with that huge lump blocking his throat and the crazy dance his heart was performing inside his fucking ribcage. But he couldn’t deny the fact that it sure felt like something so heavy was lifted off his shoulders without him realizing it. “What the actual fuck?”_  
  
 _“I’m so sorry,” Tamaki-san said, bowing low. “I really am, Ohno-san,”_  
  
 _Ohno said nothing. He just waited until Tamaki-san straightened up, gave him a somewhat wobbly smile before he swung his arm and punched him._

 

\-----------------------------------------------------

 

**CHAPTER 8**

 

“Stay put,” Ohno says, depositing him to the couch gently as he could manage it before he pulls away, but not until he’s made sure Nino is comfortable enough, even helping him put his injured leg up on the coffee table. “I’m going to get you something to eat first,”  
  
“I’m not hungry,”   
  
“I don’t care,” Ohno mumbles, turning round to the direction of the kitchen and leaving Nino to deal with his confusion. When Ohno came back, probably ten minutes after, he has a steaming cup of instant ramen in his hand and puts it down the table next to Nino’s foot before he leaves again. Nino doesn’t dare ask where he’s going and just watches him go towards the direction of his bedroom.  
  
He goes back out a brief moment later, bringing a spare set of shirt and sweats out with him.   
  
“Why aren’t you eating?” asks Ohno, eyeing the untouched cup of ramen with a frown.   
  
“I told you I’m not –“ he says, or at least starts to but Ohno beats him to it.   
  
“And I told you I _don’t_ care,” Ohno grunts, throwing the spare set of clothes to the couch. “I’m sure you haven’t eaten anything so you’re going to fucking eat this whether you like it or not. Even if I have to force this down your throat, so please, do us both a favor and eat it before I –“  
  
He snatches the cup with a slight shake of his head. “Fine, fine,” he agrees, lowering his eyes to the ground, swallowing the hot noodles along with his sudden urge to cry.  
  
  
+  
  
The cup is half-empty when he puts it down. Ohno does a quick once over to check its contents, probably just to make sure Nino did eat it, then nods, looking obviously pleased as he scoops it up and takes it back to the kitchen. He comes back with a bottle of water, hands it over to Nino without a word and Nino takes it with a quiet “Thanks” mumbled under his breath. He drinks gratefully, still carefully avoiding Ohno’s eyes.  
  
Putting the nearly-empty bottle down, Ohno catches it and places it on the floor before he grabs for the spare shirt and sweats.   
  
“What’s that for?” he asks, feeling slightly stupidly at his own equally stupid question.   
  
Ohno gives him a look then and it only makes the feeling worse. “Your change of clothes, what do you think they’re for?” Ohno says, eyeing him warily. “Well, you’re not sleeping here wearing that,” Ohno follows, as if that alone is enough to explain his actions. “It’s not comfortable,”  
  
“ _Sleep_ here – who says I’m going to – “ he says, then cuts himself off, shaking his head and feeling suddenly incredulous. “Leader, I’m honestly grateful for your help and all but I don’t think –“  
“You’re sleeping here, end of discussion,” Ohno says and Nino can detect the determination on his tone, the stubbornness at the curl of his lips; it’s those all too familiar gesture that makes things in his chest tight, things he never thought he’ll ever get to see again after that night he walked out of Ohno’s life.   
  
And they’re here, Nino can see them right in front of his very eyes and he’s honestly taken aback, completely unsure of how he should react in the face of such surprising and unexpected treatment.  
  
It’s surprising, to be honest, heartwarming even, but still, none of it makes sense especially when Ohno made it especially clear that he _didn’t – doesn’t_ want anything to do with Nino anymore. Maybe Ohno has his reasons, maybe their bandmates have coerced him into doing this (probably), maybe he and his other stupid friends came up with a sort of game behind Nino’s back and he’d lost a bet and that taking care of Nino is his punishment (most likely) but still, it doesn’t make it any less painful to be reminded of how they were before, of how Ohno treated him before he fucked everything up.   
  
But then again…  
  
 _I left them at the hospital. They didn’t know where I was going when I left._  
  
So does that mean Ohno voluntarily left their friends behind so he could go look for Nino? If that’s the case, then why? He shouldn’t do that, he doesn’t have any reason to do that, especially with how damn awkward the current status of their relationship is. Ohno’s not supposed to treat him this way, and hell, Nino isn’t even expecting it. So why is Ohno being so nice now?    
  
He feels a headache coming, and he swears the last thing he wants this time is to nurse a freaking migraine along with an injured foot. “Come on, Leader, this is stupid. First of all, you’re not my mother, so it is not your job to worry so much about me. Secondly, I’m not a child, okay. I can very well take care of myself –“  
  
“Like hell you do,” Ohno hisses, cutting him off quickly.  “In case you have forgotten, you _almost_ died today. And because of what? Because you’re so hungry that you almost passed out while filming… because you were working without eating, again! Is that how you’re supposed to be taking care of yourself? Foregoing food in favor of games?” Ohno pauses here, probably sees him when he opens his mouth to talk, to ask Ohno how in hell he knew that part but decides against it at the last minute.   
  
This seems to prompt Ohno to continue, but his voice is evidently softer the next time he talks.   
  
“You have put yourself in danger, Nino, and I swear I have never pegged you as someone who would do such stupid, stupid thing so deliberately but this–“ Ohno pauses here, breathes in deeply, then lets it all in one go while he shakes his head.   
  
Then, looking increasingly like a man who knows he should give up but finds it especially hard to do just that, he sighs, deep and resigned.  “I don’t know anymore. It’s clear that there is something going on with you that you’re not telling us but, whatever. You’re fucking mistaken if you think we’re going to let this pass,” Ohno says.   
  
“I’m not expecting you to,” he mumbles, the suddenness of Ohno’s words surprise him as much as it pains him. “Though you’re the last person I’ve expected to be charged with the job of trying to drill some sense into me because, well–“  
  
“No one is appointing anyone to do this, Nino. _We_ are your friends, and I think you keep on forgetting that you’re just as important to me as the other three are. And it’s my job to take care of you four, it’s my _only_ job to be honest, so don’t make it harder than it has to be. Please,”  
  
“It’s not –“ he starts, chest heaving with so many things he wants so badly to say but can’t. “Stop that, okay? I’m fine, I swear –“  
  
“Well forgive me for not seeing it,” Ohno counters, ignoring the jibe on his tone and eyeing his leg instead. “You’re lucky I’m the one you’re with now and not Jun or Sho-kun. If it’s them, I bet you’ll be crying by now,”  
  
He snorts at that, can’t not, and is already imagining the many ways Jun and Sho are planning to verbally box his ears for being so tremendously stupid, for not taking care of himself especially when he is filming. And he guesses Ohno is right; he is _lucky_ \- lucky that he didn’t suffer any major injuries despite that very close call, lucky that it’s Ohno who found him first instead of Jun or Sho.  
  
The other emotional stuffs he should probably try to ignore for now, and reminds himself to try and focus on the more important things such as ridding himself of these stinky clothes he has on, first and foremost.    
  
“Fine, fine,” he says, eyeing the spare set of clothes that are still in Ohno’s hand. “I guess I should thank you then, for rescuing me from the dangers of falling into the hands of J and Sho-chan,”  
  
“Damn right you should thank me,” Ohno returns, teasingly, handing over the clothes without prompting. Nino takes them with a little of his head, before his gaze wanders past it to the direction of the bathroom.  
  
Ohno possibly senses it too. “You want to take a shower first or -?”   
  
“I – If it’s okay,” he returns as he struggles to rise from the couch with a little bit of difficulty. Ohno is immediately there, helping him carefully put his injured foot down and wincing at the unwelcomed pressure. Ohno grunts something unintelligible under his breath and is quickly reaching over to help him, one hand closing around his elbow and the other at the small of his back for support.   
  
He shivers at the closeness, shudders at the thought that Ohno is voluntarily standing this close to him and touching him despite the fact that he obviously despises it, and quietly wishing Ohno wouldn’t notice the way he is shaking just as bad as he struggles to put his hands somewhere, anywhere that isn’t Ohno’s body parts but it’s difficult. He steps back with all the intention of putting most of his weight on his other foot, hissing when the action had all but backfired because Ohno’s grip around him prevented him from moving further away.  
  
“ _Fuck_ ,” Ohno curses, checking him, pulling back just a quarter of a step to inspect him. “What happened? Did I –“  
  
“I’m okay,” he mutters and does his best to pull away from Ohno’s steadying hold but Ohno doesn’t let him, wouldn’t let him. “Let go of me, Leader, so I can –“  
  
“I’ll help you, come on,”  
  
He raises his head and gives Ohno a look, letting the defiance on his face speak for itself.  
  
“What?” Ohno asks, obviously feigning innocence.   
  
“You’re not seriously planning on walking me to the bathroom,” he breathes, nose in the air, though he already directed his gaze somewhere else. “you’re not, okay? I’m fine, I’m not invalid. This is just a minor sprain, for fuck’s sake, I can still walk, you know?”  
  
“Or limp, if you want to be technical about it,” Ohno breathes, sounding amused and he does look it when Nino lets his eyes wander to Ohno’s face; Nino wonders whether Ohno had cracked a joke without Nino knowing it and if Nino had somehow just missed it.   
  
Ohno puts an arm around his waist, the same way he did earlier when he almost half-carried Nino from the elevator to Ohno’s front door and his breath catches in his throat at the warm contact, shivers at the familiar scent of Ohno’s cologne at the closeness that he has to pull away just to keep himself from wanting to breathe it in, to fill his whole head with it.   
  
“Leader, seriously –“  
  
Ohno’s grip tightens considerably around his hips. “I’m helping you get your limping ass to the bathroom, Nino, so stop making a huge fuss about it. If I don’t help you, it might take you till the early morning to get there, so please let’s not argue about this. _I’m_ tired _, you’re_ tired and we want to get at least a couple of hours sleep before we both have to face our furious friends _and_ managers in the morning,” Ohno says diplomatically, and Nino has to bite his lips hard to keep himself from sobbing.  
  
“That’s the most stupid, exaggerated crap you have ever came up with, it’s hilarious,” he whispers, but finds himself gripping Ohno’s forearms for support anyway, finds himself leaning further into Ohno’s body, Ohno’s sturdy form welcoming him as if he weighs nothing.  
  
“Well forgive me for not letting you prove me wrong. It’s my sleep I’m going to lose afterall, so, come on. Let me just –“  
  
“Fine, okay,”  
  
When they reach the bathroom’s door, Ohno leaves him to stand there for a few minutes to turn the bathroom lights on, to make sure the water’s at the right temperature; Ohno then eyes his foot, then tells him to wait for a bit before he goes out of the bedroom in search of something and came back with a couple of plastic bags, much to Nino’s confusion. Before Nino realizes it, Ohno is kneeling on the floor and is wrapping his bandaged-wrapped foot with plastic.  
  
“So it won’t get wet,” is what he says when he rises, meeting Nino’s eyes and giving Nino a smile that is so worth the pain Nino is suffering from being here.  
  
He’s about to step over the threshold when he remembers something.  
  
“Hey, you’re not –“  
  
“You don’t even have to tell me that, Nino,” Ohno cuts in, smirking, obviously aware of what Nino is about to say next before he is pushing the clothes into Nino’s hand. “Go on in and please, be careful not to bash your head into the showerhead or something, at least if you can help it. I’ll wait here until you’re done,”  
  
He shakes his head and is automatically reaching inside his pockets for his phone, his keys, his wallet the way he usually would when he’s about to enter the bath at home. When he pulls out the keys, he realizes there are two sets there. One set is the keys of his apartment, and the other, the keys’ to Ohno’s own.  
  
“T-These are yours,” he stutters, handing them over to Ohno who stares at them for a long while before he takes them. “I know you said you’ve changed the locks and I carried these around with me eversince, just so I could return them to you but I always kind of forgot –“  
  
“I _didn’t,”_ Ohno says, softly; Nino feels his heart stutters at the surprising and yet confusing admission, watches Ohno’s fingers close around the keys, before Ohno is taking a step backwards as he pockets them. Nino suddenly misses their weight in his palm, in his pocket but knows that he can’t keep them with him any longer.  “Anyway, t-thanks,” Ohno says, then turns around. “Go ahead, then. Don’t be long, okay? I’ll just. I’ll find where Mom shoved my extra beddings and covers so I can fix the couch while you’re in there. You can take the bed,”  
  
“Leader –“ he mumbles, but Ohno probably didn’t hear him. He walks away without even sparing Nino a look.  
  
  
+  
  
Contrary to Ohno’s expectation, he is out of the bath not even half an hour later without any additional injuries; he informed Ohno about it the moment he stepped out and Ohno simply yawned at his face in answer, much to Nino’s chagrin.  
  
After that, he was guided towards the bedroom despite his complaints about the absurdity of letting him have the bed when he is perfectly fine with sleeping on the couch, that he’s not all that hurt for Ohno to go as far as offering his bed to Nino but Ohno wouldn’t hear any of it.   
  
He’s not sure how long he’s lying here, wide awake despite feeling so exhausted. Ohno’s bed seems so huge with him lying here alone, and it doesn’t help that being here now, surrounded with everything that is Ohno, with Ohno’s scent clinging to the pillows and to the sheets that he only needs to breathe them in for him to be reminded of it all over again.   
  
He is curling onto himself with hopes to lessen the pain coursing through him, not realizing at all that he has somehow ended up on Ohno’s usual side of the bed. It’s a bad move, he thinks, smiling bitterly despite himself because like this, he can very well imagine having Ohno so close he could just make out his face in the almost but not quite darkness, that he can almost pretend he could feel Ohno’s lips when he reaches out to touch him.  
  
He shuts his eyes close if only to blink those unbidden memories back to where they belong, leaving them no room to struggle up to the surface where he knows he shouldn’t allow them to.   
  
He flips onto his back, frustrated for not being allowed the luxury to sleep all this misery off just when he needs it most. It’s one of his bigger problems, afterall, aside from his appetite, or lack thereof, and he knows that one day, if he doesn’t seek medical (or professional) help, he’ll probably end up dead without anyone knowing why.   
  
Just then, he realizes the door to Ohno’s bedroom opens and Nino is treated with the familiar sight of Ohno’s worried face as he peeks in.  
  
A few minutes later, Ohno walks the rest of the way inside, leaving the door open behind him as he sits himself down on the edge of the bed next to Nino’s feet.  
  
“Can’t sleep?” Ohno asks in the same worried tone and Nino feels like weeping. He’s so _tired,_ so tired, and all he wants is for everything to go back to how they were before but he knows that that’s no longer possible. “Is the pain bothering you?” Ohno follows, his brows pinched but his expression unreadable, and Nino finds himself nodding without meaning to, watches as Ohno slowly gets up from the bed, saying, “Wait here. I’ll go get you something for the pain –“  
  
Nino’s hand shoots from under the covers before he can even stop himself, grabbing the nearest part of Ohno he can get his fingers into – his elbows – and holds on, tight enough to make Ohno stagger back in surprise.  
  
“Nino, I’m just going to get you something for the pain, and maybe a pill or two to help you sleep, I’ll be back –“  
  
“ _Don’t_ go,” he whispers, and feels his eyes shut close without meaning to. Ohno’s skin is warm and the feel of that familiar warmth soothes him despite the fact that it shouldn’t anymore.   
  
But he guesses he should worry about that later, when the world doesn’t seem so fuzzy and he’s not trapped into this miserable limbo where he isn’t allowed to touch Ohno but is doing so anyway.  
  
“N-Nino –“  
  
“Don’t go,” he whispers, “please, don’t _leave_ me,” he murmurs.


	9. Chapter 9

**INTERLUDE**

He came back after his brief trip to the kitchen in search of plastic bags and finds Nino still leaning against the wall of the bathroom, looking pointedly confused.

He supposed he should tell Nino what they’re for but he finds that it’s difficult to come up with the right words when there is so much behind Nino’s eyes when he finds himself looking up at them, so many things that are enough to distract him from his thoughts so he doesn’t bother.

Instead, he goes straight to kneel on the floor near in front of Nino, carefully lifts Nino’s bandage-wrapped foot with one hand as he gently and carefully wrap the plastic around it, murmuring, “So it won’t get wet,” softly, when his brain has finally able to catch up with the action enough for him to form the words and say them.

When he rises to his feet and watches Nino take a careful step forward and stops, he frowns, eyes tracking Nino’s movements carefully as Nino shits around to face him again.

“Hey, you’re not –“

Something in his chest tightens at the sight, at the all-too-familiar snark tugging at the edges of Nino’s mouth and for a moment, he realizes he can’t breathe, finds himself smirking just for the heck of it. “You don’t even have to tell me that, Nino,” he says before he is pushing the spare set of clothes into Nino’s hands.

“Go on in and please, be careful not to bash your head into the showerhead or something, at least if you can help it. I’ll wait here until you’re done,”

Nino shakes his head then, a small, playful smile still tugging at the corners of his lips before he is reaching inside his pockets, probably to empty them first. Nino usually does so, afterall, a habit Ohno still finds cute, even now.

He waits there, just in case, expecting Nino’s wallet or phone to appear, feels his breath catching when neither did. Instead, his gaze zeroes in on the familiar set of keys sitting at the center of Nino’s palm, feels his heart stutters painfully the moment his eyes wander up to Nino’s face.

“T-These are yours,” Nino says, stutters, stretching his hand and looking so desperately eager to throw the keys into Ohno’s face. He realize he is staring at them for quite a long time until Nino speaks again, breaking his focus and thus prompting him into reaching over to take them. “I know you said you’ve changed the locks and I carried these around with me eversince, just so I could return them to you but I always kind of forgot –“

“I _didn’t,”_ he whispers without bothering looking up. Of course Nino _doesn’t – didn’t_ know that he never really changed the locks in the apartment, that he only ever told Nino that in hopes that by doing so, Nino would stop coming over to take care of him (because no matter what, that seems to be it, isn’t it?) and he would eventually stop getting his hopes up that he and Nino would be able to fix their relationship somehow.

He was ready to give up then, he truly was, but then the talk between him and Tamaki-san happened, and despite the things he told himself he would try his hardest to let go, he found himself wondering about them all over again.

But looking at Nino now, at the unhappy frown marring his forehead, he honestly doesn’t know anymore.

“Anyway, t-thanks,” he murmurs in lieu of saying something stupid, biting his cheeks and turning around at the same time.  “Go ahead, then. Don’t be long, okay? I’ll just. I’ll find where Mom shoved my extra beddings and covers so I can fix the couch while you’re in there. You can take the bed,” he says in one go, vaguely glad that he has his back turned to Nino and that Nino can’t see the way his heart  breaks with every step he takes away from Nino.

He vaguely hears Nino calls his name but he ignores it. He keeps on walking until he knows he’s out of Nino’s view, biting his lips hard enough to draw blood, hard enough to swallow the urge to cry as he faces the nearest wall and punches it, the stinging pain is at least intense enough to rival the ache throbbing away in his chest.

 

+

He can’t sleep.

It feels like hours ago since he closed the door to his room with Nino lying on his bed, alone, feels so long since he marched out here to make himself comfortable on his couch and yet he’s still wide awake. He’s not sure why he couldn’t sleep when it has never been a problem for him before, never has been, but with how he’s been awake way past his bedtime for hours, he’s sure it is fast becoming one now.

He sighs, turning to his left, then to his right, burrowing his face against one of the couch cushions which he is using as a temporary pillow in hopes to get comfortable but nothing works.  His thoughts keep going back to Nino no matter how hard he tried to stop it, to the memory of seeing the misery tugging at the corners of Nino’s mouth, to the feel of Nino’s surprisingly bony body against his when he wrapped his arms around Nino earlier.

It shouldn’t feel this way anymore, he shouldn’t feel this way about Nino really, but he figures it’s something he has no control over anyway, something that he simply needs to get use to, the same way he’s used to the pain that accompanies Nino’s face whenever he thinks of him.

It’s his heart and the way it’s always been beating for Nino and Nino alone, afterall, and he guesses he just have to live with it, the pain, the heartache, knowing that there’s nothing he can do to change how things are between them now.

It’s just hard, he thinks, to be offered something so wonderful that would have been huge enough to change the way things ended up between him and Nino, huge enough to change everything really, just to realize later on that it isn’t as important, as life-changing as he thought it was.

But somehow, his decision to leave the past behind so he and Nino could start anew won’t ever suffice because despite everything, he knows there’s no getting over Nino and that’s that.

He throws the sheets aside and gets up from the couch, giving up his hopes on getting at least an hour of sleep knowing that it’s not going to happen, not now, at least not while Nino is here in favor of fixing himself a cup or five of coffee.

He’s on his way towards the bathroom first when he decides to check on Nino first, flicking on the light on his way to the bedroom door. Very quietly, he pushes the door open, thankful that the lights in the living room is bright enough for him to catch a glimpse of Nino on the bed without him needing to turn the lights on inside the room.

The sight he finds on the bed stops him on his track.

Nino is curled on his side of the bed, his face hidden against Ohno’s pillow and his fingers twisting into the sheets. Not a few seconds later he is flopping onto his back, eyes wide open and obviously not sleeping.

He finds himself worrying about him that he doesn’t realize he has somehow left the door in favor of walking the rest of the way inside, flopping himself on the edge of the bed near Nino’s feet.

“Can’t sleep?” he murmurs, trying inconspicuously to keep his worries reined in. It is hard but he mans up. “Is the pain bothering you?” he follows, frowning, feeling that insane urge to touch Nino’s face, ask him what’s wrong. Nino nods then, keeping his gaze locked somewhere behind Ohno and something in his gut twists painfully in response.

He is up on his feet in seconds.  “Wait here. I’ll go get you something for the pain –“ he says, or at least starts to, but he is quickly cut off by one of  Nino’s hands shooting from under the covers, grabbing him by his elbow. He staggers in surprise, eyes quickly scanning Nino’s face for any sign of pain, of discomfort, heart thumping crazily beneath his ribcage in worry.

He forces it down with a little smile. “Nino, I’m just going to get you something for the pain, and maybe a pill or two to help you sleep, I’ll be back –“

“ _Don’t_ go,” Nino whispers, low enough for him to actually hear Nino but it doesn’t matter when he could very well make out the words Nino is saying through the movement of his lips.

“N-Nino –“

“Don’t go,” Nino is whispering again, “please, don’t _leave_ me,” Nino follows, lowly, softly, that has him exhaling a series of ragged breathes before he realizes it. There is something so painful in the way Nino’s fingers tighten around his elbow, and he feels it down to the marrow of his bones when Nino’s eyes flutter close as if he can’t help it.

 

Unsure of what to reply, he simply stands there, watching the way Nino’s expression change at the same time his eyes flutter close, his hold loosening. _What does Nino mean? Don’t leave now? Don’t leave ever? Does this mean anything, anything at all?_

“I –“ he opens his mouth to ask but pauses, watching Nino’s hand fall limply to his side, breathing softly.

_He fell asleep?_

He gave up trying to make sense of it, gave up trying to come up with sensible enough reasons why he ends up crawling on the bed next to Nino, careful not to scoot too close, his back to Nino and closes his eyes.

 

+

It’s a little bright in the room when he opens his eyes, and the first thing he realize is that there is something heavy and warm lying almost on top of him, and remembers the last thing he did before he fell asleep next to Nino on the  bed. He looks down and gets a noseful of Nino’s hair and his heart does that ‘ _oh fuck, it’s Nino_ ’ dance before he even realize it.

Nino shifts then, probably sensing the almost claustrophobic way he is curled around someone else’s body, against Ohno, raises his head enough to squint at Ohno through his still sleep-fogged consciousness. He frowns, and for a moment there Ohno is afraid Nino will push him away but he doesn’t.

Instead, he smiles at Ohno in that heart-breaking way he only knows how, pushing himself closer to Ohno and mumbles, “I had a bad dream, Oh-chan,” almost incoherently against his chest.

“Hmm?”

“We broke up,” Nino follows, shivering, curling around him, fingers tight against the front of his loose shirt. “but it was my all fucking fault,”

His heart twists painfully at that, finds himself pressing a kiss onto the top of Nino’s head as he tugs Nino closer, wishing, hoping for a second chance to change everything if he could. But it’s not going to happen now, maybe it won’t happen later either but he’ll take his chance if he gets it.

For Nino.

“Shhh,” he whispers, allows himself this rare chance to hold Nino even though he knows it won’t be for long. “it’s okay. Go  back to sleep,”

 

\-----------------------------------------------

 

**CHAPTER 9**

 

It is bright in the room when he opens his eyes the second time, feeling oddly refreshed the way he hasn’t felt in months. He’s warm and comfortable despite his throbbing foot, and when he does shift, he realizes what is causing it.

He is cocooned inside Ohno’s arms, his face mashed against Ohno’s clothed chest and one of Ohno’s legs thrown over his hips, trapping him, securing him firmly in place. He also has his arms twined around Ohno’s middle in an almost suffocatingly tight embrace and for one, insane second, he finds himself wanting to push closer into that inviting warmth and catching himself midway.

Heart thudding hard in his chest, he gently maneuvers himself out of Ohno’s embrace despite the difficulty, makes sure he extricates himself away from Ohno as quiet as he could manage it. But once he’s a good few centimeters away from the older man and he’s no longer enveloped in the comforting warmth that is Ohno’s body, he suddenly feels cold and the urge to crawl back into that space he wriggled out from is too strong he has to turn his back away, has to slowly command himself out of bed carefully if only to stop himself.

Wincing at the pain of his injured foot, he gives Ohno one last glance before he wobbles his way out of the bedroom torn between leaving Ohno's apartment at once and staying.

 

+

It’s almost nine when the door to Ohno’s bedroom opens the second time. He is on his fourth cup of coffee and is putting down Ohno’s breakfast on the counter when he spies Ohno tiptoeing out from behind the door, hair sticking up in all directions and scratching at his butt. Their eyes meet despite the distance and he finds himself remembering the warmth he woken up to this morning, and missing it.

Ohno is, Nino notes, still mostly asleep, squinting at him through bleary eyes. Then he smiles, and Nino feels so undeserving of it, lowering his eyes to the ground and pointing at the coffee maker still humming at the corner, doing its magic.

“Coffee, if you want it,” he says, putting his mostly-empty mug down the counter before reaching down his pocket to fish for his phone. “Um, I have to borrow your charger, by the way,” he says, waving his drained phone for Ohno to see. “my battery’s drained; I was going to make a call but it died on me before I could even dial the number,”

Ohno simply looks at him as if he’s still not awake enough to understand what he’s saying. An exasperatedly fond chuckle tears its way out of his throat before he could stop it, shaking his head and stepping forward to grab the other mug he previously placed there and filling it from the coffeemaker.

“Coffee to wake you up, Leader,” he muses, sliding the steaming mug over. “Here you go,”

“Thanks,” Ohno mumbles, taking the few steps forward and parking himself against the counter to grab the mug of coffee Nino’s offering. Then with his eyes half-closed, he lifts the mug to his lips and takes a careful sip. Nino idly watches by, fascinated and equal-parts ashamed for being here, for being allowed the luxury to be this close to Ohno again despite the fact that he doesn’t have any right to be.

“Ah, this is the best,” Ohno murmurs, opening his eyes and tilting his head to give Nino that one smile that pretty much shred Nino in pieces. “Nino makes the best coffee ever, seriously,”

He chuckles at that, can’t not, and reminds himself yet again what he _can_ and _can’t_ have. Obviously, the likes include making Ohno’s coffee and cooking him breakfast, at least for the last time, _and_ getting back with him. The last one is the ultimate bummer but he guesses he just need to get used to it, too.

“Thanks for the compliment,” he says around a grin, meaning it even though he’s sure he doesn’t need one. He doesn’t need any of this, really; things are complicated enough as they are and allowing himself the luxury to hope that things are going to change in his favor would be pushing it.

He’s an idiot but even he is sure he isn’t that stupid, and a night spent in the cradle of Ohno’s embrace isn’t enough for him to think otherwise. 

“I can make you more before I –“ he pauses here to regard his phone, then remembers he has to charge it first.

“Go?” Ohno says, eyeing the plate of omurice sitting next to Nino’s empty mug. “So, what, you just planned on making me coffee and breakfast, then take off without telling me? You didn’t even plan on waking me up, weren’t you?”

“I didn’t want to abuse your kindness,” he counters, meaning it to be teasing but instead feeling like he is speaking through a mouthful of cotton. He feels terrible and he's sure that it doesn't have anything to do with his throbbing foot. He lets his breath out in a whoosh, gluing his eyes on a spot he found on the counter’s edge just to avoid Ohno’s gaze. “getting me home and letting me stay here –“

“What the hell are you even saying?” Ohno shoots back, looking and sounding touché annoyed; Nino can’t exactly blame him. Ohno steps away from where he is previously leaning against the counter, leaving his coffee mug where it is and backing away. Nino watches him shove his fingers through his hair, momentarily unsure of what to say.

“ _God_ – you –“ Ohno says, then pauses to shake his head. “I _know_ – I know you’re not – we’re not _okay_ , we haven’t been okay for so long, I get it, you don’t have to fucking remind me of it every goddamn time because I know. I’m not stupid, Nino,” Ohno breathes, and Nino has to wonder what had prompted this, and where Ohno thinks he’s going with it. His heart is racing.

“But what happened to you yesterday, it’s –“ Ohno stops again, like he is trying to string the words together in his head first before he say them; “it made me realize so many things,” Ohno follows, his tone softer this time.

Nino finds himself raising his head and shooting Ohno an exasperated look. He doesn't need this, he doesn't need Ohno to indulge him, to look at him as if he matters more than he should.

But all of these thoughts go hurrying out the door the moment Ohno opens his mouth and mutters, “But one thing’s for certain, Nino. I can’t lose you that way,” in a way that makes things in Nino's chest tight, watching Ohno watch him, his eyes pleading, the edges of his mouth curled in misery Nino finds himself staring, unable to look away. “I can’t. _I can’t_ ,”

 

+

 

He feels like drowning. Like he is submerged under water and the only way to save himself is for him to take that one brave step towards Ohno so he could cling to him, but he’s not sure if he should.

“I –“ he breathes, unable to form the words, the question even though they’re just there, dangling at the tips of his tongue, waiting to be spit out if needs be. “y-you don’t know what you’re saying,” he says, “I… w-we can’t go back to how we were before,” he follows, feeling like he probably shouldn’t have the second the words were out of his mouth.

Still, it's a legitimate statement, Nino thinks, for he can't allow himself to think they could be more than what they are to each other now and expect things to run smoothly. He can't. There's just too much baggage, unsaid words and unspoken truths standing in between them  now and Nino is sure nothing he or Ohno will say is going to be enough to change the fact that they've hurt each other so badly.

Apologies have already served its purpose and Nino is sure that now, he and Ohno are just both willing to compromise. For the friendship, for Arashi, and Nino thinks that is more than enough.

So what is Ohno going on about now?

“I don’t expect us to,” Ohno murmurs and Nino has to fight back the urge to look up to check him, outright losing the battle even before it begins, because then he finds himself scanning Ohno's face, at the conflicting emotions staring back at him through Ohno’s eyes.

“and frankly,” Ohno says, lowly, keeping their gazes locked; “I don’t think I even want us to,”

Well, there he said it.

 

+

It took him a minute longer to compose himself, just long enough to regulate his breathing, to not burst into tears the minute he decided to speak. It's hard but he figures this doesn't even come close to how difficult it was to stand next to Ohno and not touch him, so he toughs it up.

“Exactly,” he says around a forced laughter. He knows he’s not supposed to act like it’s funny, because none of this is funny to begin with. Especially  not with the way he could feel his heart crumble into tiny, broken pieces, and especially not when he could barely think past the pain crippling him from the inside. “I mean... right?” he says, “It’s – it’s impossible,”

“I’m not quite sure you get what I mean,” Ohno bites back and Nino is forced to look at him again, surprised at the sudden change on Ohno’s expression, at the soft, yet unyielding curl marring the edges of his mouth.

“Excuse me?”

Ohno’s stance remains unchanged, yet his expression softens. “Why I _don’t_ want us to go back to how we were before,” Ohno says, “who would want to anyway, especially with how messed up we were and how fucked things ended up between us. I surely don’t, and if I would even think of giving us another try, which I am, actually, I’ll say we have to do it differently this time,”

He blinks, unsure of what he is hearing, what he supposed to be hearing and wondering if he had somehow fallen back asleep without him knowing it.

“I don’t – _w-what?”_ he asks, stutters, feeling slightly stupid. “What the hell -?”

Ohno’s look softens as if on cue and he swears he can see the shadow of something else, something he couldn't bear to see knowing that he's lost all the right to the moment he cheated on Ohno passing through Ohno’s eyes but seeing it all the same. Hope surges hot and fierce in his chest and he tries hard to swallow it down despite the difficulty.

Then Ohno is saying, “I’ve talked to Tamaki-san, by the way,” calmly, as if that alone is answer enough to his abrupt change of attitude towards Nino and he finds himself snapping his head up to gape at Ohno then, heartbeat unusually fast he is suddenly afraid it might end up killing him.

Ohno’s expression barely changed, but Nino can see the difference in the way the older man regards him now from how he used to before; Nino vaguely wonders what it means, chest constricting at the sight of it.

“Y-You what?”

“You heard me,” Ohno returns, softer, his eyes bearing the evidence of the truth Nino has spent a year covering up with a lie. But it isn’t a lie if he believes in it, not really, not when the very reason that mistake (almost) happened is because he allowed it. “I honestly don’t know what to think after everything he said but –“ Ohno says, then pauses. “Nino, why didn’t _you_ tell me?” Ohno asks, completely straying away from what he was initially about to say and Nino is caught offguard at the way Ohno mutters the question, so softly, as if he can't be bothered to be upset anymore knowing that there's nothing he could do to change it.

The question is abrupt enough to knock Nino off his feet, finds himself struggling for words as he watches Ohno leave the spot he’s been standing on, watches him round the way from there to where Nino is.

“Tell you what, exactly?” he lies yet again, bravely masking his words with his non-existing courage despite the horrible twisting in his stomach. He can't think, and coupled with the fact that Ohno is so close to him now he can vaguely smell the coffee on his breath, can practically feel the warmth radiating from Ohno’s skin at the closeness, he's a fucking mess. “That I cheated on you with him? Didn’t I already? A year ago, you don’t remember?”

Ohno’s mouth twitches something akin to fondness and something else Nino has to wonder what has happened during the last few days he hadn't seen Ohno,  has to bite the insides of his cheek if only to stop himself from wanting to touch the smile lighting up Ohno's face.

“Yes, I do remember,” Ohno says, taking one more step forward that has Nino stepping back as if on cue. Ohno reaches out to grab him around the elbow and the action prompts him to further back away until his hips ends up bumping against the counter, a hissing sound of pain tearing itself from the back of his throat.

Thankfully, Ohno stops following, his hand dropping from where he has it curled around Nino’s elbow before and allowing Nino the chance to freely move away, to keep his distance if only so he won’t have to see the tender look on Ohno’s face.

“As you should,” he murmurs, turning around just to hide the way his lips tremble along with the rest of him. “And whatever he said won’t matter now. It’s not going to change the fact that I cheated on you,” he adds.

“It _does,_ actually,” Ohno says; Nino wonders what he means. “knowing what really happened then, what you did or what you actually _didn’t_ changes everything,”

“But it doesn’t –“ he says or at least starts to but finds himself stopped mid-way the moment he feels Ohno’s arms branding around him from behind, and Ohno burying his face against the back of his neck.

“-mean I’m not upset because I _was_ , and I still am,” Ohno breathes into his skin, the sound of his voice and the warmth of his breath throws Nino’s balance into chaos. He can’t think, he can’t breathe, shaking from head to toe as Ohno’s hold tightens around him.

“And I think I understand why you kept it from me,” Ohno is saying, splaying a hand across the expanse of Nino’s stomach to steady him, warm  breath brushing the nape of Nino’s neck. “I would have done the same if it was me, afterall,”

“You’re not – L-Leader, this doesn’t mean –“

“You were _unhappy_ ,” Ohno cuts in, hugging him tighter from behind; Nino feels trapped, wanted, and it’s heady and dangerous and the combination of them is making him light-headed. “I didn’t know it at the time but judging with what Tamaki-san told me, you _were_. And it was my fault,”

Well, that maybe true but Nino has had a year to figure it out, one whole year to reflect on the things he had and lost, the things he did and shouldn’t and knows that in the end, nothing beats the loneliness, the gaping emptiness of losing someone he loves with all his heart because of his stupidity.

He could have just simply talked to Ohno then, could have simply accepted what Ohno was willing to give him then instead of wanting something more because in the end, he is left  with nothing but a broken heart and an almost broken friendship, and those are enough to kill him, to make him want to end everything until that day he resolved on earning his way back to Ohno’s good side by doing the unthinkable.

“That still doesn’t give me the right to cheat,” he says, huffing out a hollow laugh. “Leader, please, that’s – it’s over and done with. We can’t… I can’t say how sorry I _was_ – _am_ – for what I did and I swear I'd make it up –“

“But that’s the thing, isn’t it? You _didn’t_ do anything,” Ohno cuts in, his tone unrelenting it left Nino thinking how they came to this, how quickly things have turned upside down for both of them. He’s not even sure why he’s even talking, why he can’t keep his mouth shut for one minute and let Ohno talk. “You didn’t fuck the guy, he said so himself. But you didn’t tell me. Why, Nino?”

Maybe it’s the shame talking, the guilt that has been gnawing at him from the inside for the past year, and they are huge enough to keep him from wanting to believe he and Ohno have a good shot at fixing this, whatever the hell this is.

“It doesn’t matter now,” he whispers, still wishing he could make it up to Ohno in some way, at least.

“It does,” Ohno says, breath so close to his ear now the feel of the warm air brushing against his skin is enough to make him shiver. “because that means something stopped you then, something that is strong enough to hold you back,” Ohno says, grip tightening around his hips and Nino feels something clutch at his heart.

Then, softly, almost like a caress, Ohno whispers, “I want to know what it is,”

 

+

 

“You – Y-You can’t be serious,” he mutters.

“Try me,” Ohno counters, and before Nino has time to come up with another stupid retort, Ohno’s grip around his hips loosens, only so he could twist him around until they’re face to face. Nino’s heart stutters in his chest at the proximity, breath catching in his throat at the familiarly soft smile gracing Ohno’s face.

“Let me go,” he mumbles, lowering his gaze. He’s afraid of what this means, scared he’s only going to hurt himself by expecting something out of this, especially after everything.

“I’m not going to,” Ohno returns, voice soft like a butterfly’s wings, scooting closer and closer still. “I already did that the night you came home spouting lies after lies even though I knew I shouldn’t have. I have a feeling you were hiding something from me then, but stupid as it was, I let you, I practically allowed you to because I’m an idiot,”

“Leader –“

“It was my fault it happened,” Ohno says, still so close he is speaking almost to Nino’s lips, “my fault that you were unhappy. I should have taken better care of you, should have shown you how much you mean to me but I didn’t. I was so confident about you and I that I forgot how dumb I am when it came to showing my affection, so confident that you’re not going to leave me no matter what,” Ohno breathes in one go, leaving Nino gaping in shock it must show on his face but Ohno seems hardly bothered.

“And I didn’t even apologize,” Ohno follows as if he hadn’t paused, giving Nino no room to retort, much more think of something better to say as Ohno continues. “I let you think it was your fault we fell apart when it wasn't. It was mine, too, because I let you doubt my feelings for you, that I never even once told you what I truly feel for you. I should have told you then that you mean so much to me, that you've always been the most important person in my life and I couldn't bear to lose you. That it hasn't changed, not even after everything's been said and done and that I love you so much now as I did the day before, the year before, and that it will stay that way even though we're not together anymore,"

Stunned, Nino can't even bring himself to think of a proper reply. "Now my question is this," Ohno asks and Nino has to direct his gaze where he knows he wants to but hasn’t the courage to do so, at least until now, to Ohno’s face, and the soft, heart-warming smile tugging at the corners of Ohno’s lips.

“What made you stop then, Nino?” Ohno breathes, and Nino wishes he can wipe the tears blurring his vision, half-laughing and half-crying he's almost losing his focus. "What made you turn around when you could have just went ahead it with?"

"It's you," his heart whispers, loudly enough to be heard; he doesn't realize he has somehow spoken it out loud until Ohno is catching his face in between Ohno's hands, gentle and soothing, wiping the tears from his eyes and listening to him say, "I realize I can't do it with anyone but you. It's always been you, Oh-chan. Just you." he says, voice breaking along with the rest of his damn control. "I love you. I've always been in love with you, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I -"

"Shh," Ohno hushes him, softly, touching his cheek, his chin, before Ohno kisses him.

  
 


	10. Chapter 10

INTERLUDE

 

He thinks there’s got to be reason why this has to happen now, and not before – a year ago, a few months ago when he thought he wanted it most.   
  
He loosens his grip around Nino’s hips if only so he could turn Nino around till they’re face to face. He can’t help it, he smiles, already half-way assured that this isn’t going to end up the way he feared it would.  
  
He knows; he can see it in Nino’s eyes afterall, despite the uncertainty marring the edges of Nino’s mouth.  
  
“Let me go,” Nino mumbles at the same time he is lowering his gaze to the ground. Ohno’s heart breaks a little, again, but he doesn’t let it get in the way. Not now, not when they’re finally getting somewhere after so long of hurting each other.   
  
_You can try_ , his heart whispers at the same time he murmurs, “I’m not going to,” scooting closer to Nino until the tiny distance separating them is a little bearable. Sweeping his gaze over Nino’s features – the bridge of his nose, the lovely curve of his mouth - his heart rate accelerating in a way that leaves him breathless. It’s odd, but not at all unpleasant, especially with how damn wonderful it is to be this close to Nino and not be hurt by their proximity.   
  
But then again, he guesses that’s just how things are supposed to be, especially after he’s decided to tell Nino how he always felt for the younger man. There’s no way he is ever going to move past this, past _them_ , afterall so it’s just the choice between holding on to whatever hope he has that they’ll be able to fix this somehow, or settle to live his life without Nino at all.  
  
Drawn to the sight of Nino’s misery, he leans a little bit more till they’re almost nose to nose and whispers, “I already did that the night you came home spouting lies after lies even though I knew I shouldn’t have. I have a feeling you were hiding something from me then, but stupid as it was, I let you, I practically allowed you to because I’m an idiot,”  
  
Nino freezes then and for a moment, he’s afraid he said something stupid until he sees the way Nino’s lower lip trembles as his name stumbles out from it.  
  
“Leader –“  
  
“It was my fault it happened,” he cuts in, just because he can, feeling his heart breaks with every word and wishing he could somehow kiss Nino now but he knows that he can’t. He can’t, at least not yet. He has to make sure Nino knows what he feels for the younger man, and then he will let Nino decide.  
  
  
“my fault that you were unhappy. I should have taken better care of you, should have shown you how much you mean to me but I didn’t. I was so confident about you and I that I forgot how dumb I am when it came to showing my affection, so confident that you’re not going to leave me no matter what,” he breathes in one go, noting the fact that Nino has finally raised his head enough to look at him, gaping like a fish out of water and unblinking.  
  
He swallows the urge to cup Nino’s cheek, the urge to kiss Nino’s lips in favor of continuing.  
  
“And I didn’t even apologize,” he says, “I let you think it was your fault we fell apart when it wasn't. It was mine, too, because I let you doubt my feelings for you, that I never even once told you what I truly feel for you. I should have told you then that you mean so much to me, that you've always been the most important person in my life and I couldn't bear to lose you. That it hasn't changed, not even after everything's been said and done and that I love you so much now as I did the day before, the year before, and that it will stay that way even though we're not together anymore,"   
  
Nino looks shell-shocked he simply stands there staring at Ohno with so much behind his eyes Ohno has to refrain moving closer than he already is, heart thudding a complicated rhythm inside his ribcage and adds, softy, "Now my question is this," he breathes, holding Nino’s gaze.  
  
“What made you stop then, Nino?” he whispers, his insides contracting painfully at the sight of Nino’s tears filling his eyes. He’s this close to abandoning all forms of restraints in favor of taking Nino into his arms, but holds his ground in favor of asking what he should have asked Nino months and months before.  
  
"What made you turn around when you could have just gone ahead it with?" hoping against hope Nino’s not going to be stubborn this time around enough to lie to him again. But if he would, well, he guesses he could make do with his plans on kissing the fuck out of him till he has no choice but to accept him again.  
  
But then again, he probably doesn’t have to anymore.  
  
"It's you," is the first thing that comes out of Nino’s mouth Ohno has to strain hard to hear it, his voice so low Ohno could hardly make out the words if not for the fact that they’re so close that he could literally breathe the air leaving Nino’s mouth. Nino looks more than a little crazed despite the tears still falling freely down his face and for one, heartbreaking moment Ohno realizes he can’t breathe.  
  
Hands moving before he could stop himself, he is cupping Nino’s cheek and listening to Nino whisper the words he longed to hear, pulse skyrocketing in combined delight and relief.   
  
"I realize I can't do it with anyone but you. It's always been you, Oh-chan. Just you." Nino whispers shakily, voice breaking with every syllable and Ohno’s heart aches at the sound of it, at the sight of Nino’s pain staring back at him now.   
  
Then Nino is whispering, "I _love_ you. I've always been in love with you, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I -" and Ohno’s restraint breaks, his desire to take the man he is still madly in love with into his arms is so strong it almost blinds him as he seizes Nino with a hushing sound from the back of his throat, touching Nino’s cheek, his chin, tugging him close and kissing him.   
  
+  
  
When he pulls back away, mouth tingling from Nino’s kisses, he sighs, resting his forehead against Nino’s and keeping his hand where it is, at the  back of Nino’s head to keep him in place. There are so many things he wants to say now, so many things he needs to tell Nino but he guesses all of those can wait. For now, he wants to savor this closeness he’d missed, to simply enjoy the feeling of having Nino in his arms the way he hasn’t felt in so long.  
  
Nino is, he vaguely notes, still shaking, still crying quietly that he has to reach out to stroke Nino’s cheek, tender and knowing as he breathes Nino in.   
  
“Don’t cry,” he husks though he can’t help it when his voice is breaking too; “I don’t like it when you’re hurt, or upset, especially if it’s because of me,”  
  
Nino shakes his head and opens his mouth probably to say something but closes is again immediately afterwards. He grins in answer, leaning over to kiss the corner of Nino’s mouth before he even realizes he’s doing it.   
  
“I’m not crying,” Nino muses, and he has to kiss him again, can’t not, fingers carding through Nino’s hair. It’s chaste and sweet, the gesture more so, and he finds himself enjoying it despite the fact that Nino is still crying.   
  
_Tears of joy_ , he likes to think, smiling privately as he brushes Nino’s bangs away from his eyes.   
  
“Fine, you’re not,” he muses back, heart warming at the way Nino is tilting his head and leaning further into his touch. “I’ll let you get away with that this time, but only if you’ll say you love me one more time,”  
  
Nino snorts in answer and he can’t help it, he giggles, catching Nino around the waist and leaning in to bite Nino’s chin. It’s unbelievable that he feels as though the year they spent apart hurting didn’t exist, that it only took them a night to recover what they thought they lost because of their stupidity.  
  
But maybe it’s that easy, maybe it’s not at all difficult if the both of them know what they want, and what they are both willing to compromise just to achieve it.   
  
And this time, it’s their pride and their combined stubbornness, but for him, it really doesn’t matter much when giving both of that up means he’ll have Nino in his arms like this forever.  
  
“Come on,” he whispers, “don’t be shy. I’ll tell you I love you if you tell me you love me too first,” he says, grinning, pushing closer to Nino so he could rub their noses together. Nino giggles and tries to shy away from his touch but he’s too damn happy, too damn giddy to let Nino stray too far from him now. “Come on, Nino, let me hear it,”  
  
“You’re stupid,” Nino breathes, “and no, I won’t tell you I love you again. Never. Over my dead, gorgeous body,” Nino returns, stubborn, but the way he is worming his arms around his neck to tug him in counters this. Soon he is wrapped in the warmth of Nino’s embrace, and Nino’s breath – hot and distractingly close – hits the side of his face when Nino whispers, “but maybe you can make me, if you try,”  
  
He kisses Nino then, slow at first, letting Nino feel the first tendrils of his arousal as he pushes his hips into Nino’s own. Nino arches back into him in answer, groaning, the sound so deliciously aroused he finds himself leaning in forward to cup the  back of Nino’s neck and kissing him.   
  
God, he can’t remember the last time he’s this turned on he is already imagining nailing Nino here if not for the fact that all of the supplies are in the bedroom and he’s not at all sure if Nino is okay with the idea of getting his ass fucked in here if only to make up for the pain they both suffered in the past, but, hey, he guesses he won’t know if he doesn’t ask?  
  
He has his mouth hovering close to Nino’s ear, hips rolling in counter to the bucks of Nino’s own when he whispers, more like hisses, “I want you,” in a way that makes even the hair at the back of his own neck stand on end, feeling Nino’s shuddery breathes against his face in response.  
  
“L-Leader –“  
  
He turns, tilting Nino’s face and kissing his way from the underside of Nino’s jaw to his lips, sucking his way in and shoving his tongue inside Nino’s mouth for a thorough taste.  
  
“God, I want you so much,” he whispers, pulling away just far enough to talk. “can I have you? Can I, Nino?”  
  
Nino’s answering smile is both lovely and heartbreaking he finds himself hugging Nino so tight before he can even stop himself, hears Nino’s returning, “Damn, I thought you’d never ask,” and lets himself smile as he hugs Nino tighter.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

 

CHAPTER 10

 

For a long while, they simply stand there with their arms around each other, breathing each other in. Nino feels himself shake from head to toe and it doesn’t help that even now, even after hearing everything he never imagined he’d get the chance to hear, ever, straight from Ohno’s lips, he still can’t believe this is real.

He finds himself leaning further into Ohno’s body, soaking the warmth of Ohno’s embrace, the familiarity of being held close by the man who owns him, then and now, and wondering if there’s even a word to describe how he’s feeling.

“I’d carry you back to the bedroom but I don’t think, what with the state my legs and dick’s in at the moment, that I’ll be able to without stumbling and probably killing us both,” Ohno breathes, obviously teasing, into the side of his face, one hand absently lifting the hem of his shirt from behind and brushing affectionate touches across the small of his back. He giggles, can’t not, as he pulls back and away, snickers when Ohno makes a noise that resembles that of a kicked puppy and reaches out to grab him.

“I can walk fine by myself, Leader,” he points out, though he doesn’t resist it when Ohno makes another attempt at grabbing him and pinning him by the older man’s hips against the counter. He closes his eyes expecting either Ohno’s mouth or the heat of Ohno’s touch on any part of him but neither came.

When he opens his eyes, instead he finds Ohno looking at him with something akin to tenderness, Ohno’s fingers hovering near his cheek, near but not quite touching as if he is contemplating about something else entirely.

He feels an invisible hand close around his heart at the sight.

“H-Hey,” he whispers, his voice cracking embarrassingly in the middle at the sudden surge of emotion rushing over him then. He can’t look away even if he wants to, his eyes tracking every little twitch of Ohno’s lips, watches as each and every emotion passes through Ohno’s eyes and feeling like he is being swept away slowly. It can't be helped, Nino thinks, for the familiarity of seeing those emotions on someone else's face is like looking directly through a mirror where he is seeing the exact same thing as if he is looking at his own instead of someone else's face.

And it’s a dead giveaway, Nino muses; one look is what it took for Ohno to give himself away and Nino’s heart has never been strong enough to handle such thing, such genuine tenderness and affection especially after he’s almost, almost decided to give this all up.

“Oh-chan, what’s wrong?” he breathes, suddenly unsure of what to say. Ohno makes a sound from the back of his throat, his gaze sweeping past Nino’s eyes to his lips and the gesture is enough to worry him, and warm him at the same time.

“I don’t want to screw this up, Nino,” whispers Ohno, his voice so low, so soft Nino has to strain hard to hear him, fingers clutching the sleeves of Ohno’s threadbare shirt the same way Ohno is holding on to his hips now as if Ohno is afraid he’ll run if he let go. “and god, I know I almost did, just now because I can’t fucking help myself when you’re this close to me and it’s been so long since –“

“What in hell are you even saying?” he mutters, touching the side of Ohno’s mouth and loving the way Ohno has simply tilted his head and leans in to his hand. Then, with his eyes half-closed, Ohno presses a kiss into the side of his palm.

“We can take it slow,” Ohno whispers, voice shaking; Nino badly wants to kiss him, hug him tight. “I don’t – I don’t want a repeat of what happened to us before. We can just… we can talk? I mean, we don’t really have to –“

“Fuck?”

Ohno looks embarrassingly sheepish then that he finds himself leaning over to press a smacking kiss to Ohno’s cheek, worming one hand around the back of Ohno’s head as he presses another to the side of Ohno’s mouth.

“It’s my bad,” Ohno confesses guiltily, and Nino finds it especially hard to keep his mirth reined in but he has to, biting his tongue and mashing his face against Ohno’s shoulder as Ohno brushes affectionate touches across his arms. “I shouldn’t – it wasn’t supposed to be that way. I mean –“

“So are you saying we shouldn’t have sex anymore? Ever?” he counters, biting the urge to smile even though Ohno is making it especially difficult.

“No!” Ohno counters so quickly he is reduced into a giggling mess before he realizes it. “No, I mean – God, why’s it so hard to put these things into words? I can’t fucking –“

“Then don’t,” he says, cutting Ohno off with a quick kiss on the mouth as he pulls a bit away, just far enough to still talk and see the shadows beneath Ohno's eyes disappear as he thumbs them. “you don’t have to, really. I get it. I know exactly what you mean, seriously,”

Ohno’s eyes soften and the smile that he gives Nino then is the one that makes things in Nino’s chest tight. Then Ohno is touching the side of his mouth tenderly with a fingertip, letting his touch linger a moment longer that the gesture alone is enough to make him sigh with combined joy and relief.

“Do you?” Ohno asks, “I wouldn’t deny the fact that I’ve only ever experienced the most earth-shattering orgasms with you –“

“Seriously, you don’t have to explain these things –“

“- and that I’m actually looking forward to experience it again but this – us - this is more important than that. _You_ are. I don’t want to screw this up by taking you straight to bed again without making sure you know where you stand in my life. What you mean to me, then and now,”

He shakes his head, struggles to come up with the right words but he can’t find any. Especially when Ohno is pulling him closer, lips pressed gently against his temple.

“I’ve always wanted to tell you I love you,” Ohno follows, “but I didn’t know how to. I thought that showing you how I felt for you was enough, but even that seemed like a failed thing, especially when you –“ Ohno pauses here, his hold around Nino’s shoulders tightens marginally and Nino’s heart ache with remembered pain.

Ohno doesn’t even need to remind him about it, that it is Nino’s betrayal, despite the fact that he didn’t go through with it in the end – was what broke them,  hurt them, to the point where they lived through a year apart, miserable.

Well, that was the case on his part but knowing Ohno was hurting too the same way that he was kind of changes a lot of things, especially for Nino.

Not to mention the way his heart is behaving after Ohno’s confession, about how Ohno loves him the same way he loves Ohno.

“It wasn’t only your fault, Satoshi,” he says, “I’m to blame for this as much as you are, even more so because I was the idiot who put both of us through this mess. This wouldn’t have happened if –“

“- If you knew what I truly felt for you,” Ohno cuts in, fingering his cheek, his jaw; “I shouldn’t have expected you to when I didn’t have the courage to say it then. It wasn’t fair to you, that you had to stick with me even though you weren’t sure what we are to each other. I’m so stupid,”

He chuckles, unsure whether to feel amused or glad or both that Ohno is doing his level best to say these things even though it must be difficult. But maybe it’s not, and judging with the way Ohno is looking at him with utter seriousness, his eyes never leaving his, he thinks that maybe, it’s high time he lets all of those past fears go in favor of believing that he and Ohno are going to do it better this time around.

He already has his fingers crossed for that.

“You’re here now, aren’t you?” he says, tugging at Ohno’s elbow and pressing himself flushed against Ohno’s body, grateful for the way Ohno wraps his arms around Nino’s waist, gentle, grounding. “This is enough for me. Hearing you say you love me now is enough. I don’t need anything more than what you’re willing to give me now, Oh-chan,”

Ohno turns to nuzzle his temple, hand brushing a broad swipe from the small of his back up to the base of his skull, holding on. “I’m willing to give you everything you need from me, Nino. Anything. Just say the word and I won’t even hesitate. You won’t even have to ask me twice,”

He smiles and takes that as a cue to mumble his requests as he takes the deciding step forward till they're almost nose to nose, dropping a kiss against Ohno's cheek before letting his lips travel downwards to the curve of Ohno's neck to his collarbones.

“Then take me to bed, Oh-chan,” he whispers his requests against Ohno’s throat, fingers finding Ohno’s hips to steady himself. “Take me. Make love to me. Show me you have forgiven me,” he breathes, "Please, Oh-chan,"

“Nino,” is the last thing Nino hears from Ohno before Ohno’s lips descends, catching his mouth into a hungry kiss.

+

It’s a difficult maneuver from there on, what with his injured foot and Ohno’s penchant to be as annoying as he possibly can given the situation by being extra clingy. Ohno wouldn't let him go, arms twined around him, almost half-carrying him, his protests ignored.

They at least managed to reach the bedroom without mishap, Ohno backing him gently against the door and kissing him there.

Soon, he is left with not even a single stitch on, moaning with his fist jammed into his mouth everytime Ohno mouths his name against the bare skin of his thigh, his fingers caressing the broad expanse of Nino's navel and narrowly avoiding touching Nino's hard-on altogether.

It's a testament of how long it has been since Ohno has touched him because the moment Ohno did, his long fingers wrapping his cock in a loose fist and squeezing, he's gone.

When he looks down, Ohno looks like he's not expecting that either.

"God, I forgot how good you are with your hands," he whispers, willing his limbs to work and tugging Ohno up by his shoulders and leaning up to kiss Ohno as he wipes his own come painting Ohno's face at the same time. "I can't believe you made me come just like that, god,"

"I'm sorry," Ohno says, sounding sheepish and looking like it too. But he's close and Nino can freely put his arms around Ohno without much effort and he likes that he is able to, after so long.

"Don't be," he muses, kissing Ohno again because he can't help it, leaning in to Ohno's touch as Ohno folds his arms around Nino in the most possessive way ever but Nino doesn't mind it, not at all. "This just made me want to be reminded of how wonderful sex with you is, and honestly, I don't mind if you're up for more," he says, reaching down and finding Ohno hard, still unfulfilled between his legs.

"Though it sure looks like you still are,"

Ohno grins and leans forward for a kiss. "Well, why don't you give it a try?"

He grins, worming both arms around Ohno's neck to pull him in. "By all means,"

 

+

They spend the past fifteen minutes or so kissing and touching each other, Ohno carefully bracing himself on his arms so as not to put all his weight on Nino's body as they kiss. Nino takes this as an opportunity to reacquaint himself with every single part of Ohno he can put his hands on, his mouth alternating between sucking on Ohno's tongue and shoving his own into Ohno's mouth for a thorough taste.

The next few moments, he is moaning his pleasure against the pillow, while Ohno's fingers, three of them, are moving in and out of his ass in tandem with the bucks of his hips.

"God, you're still so fucking tight," Ohno grits, pressing kisses after kisses over Nino's knees and legs. His hips are propped slightly upwards with the help of two pillows shoved under his lower back, legs parted wide so as to give Ohno precious room to drive Nino crazy.

"That's enough, god -" he wails, back arching in response to Ohno's fingertip brushing his prostate, sensation punching through him the moment Ohno deliberately pushes his finger to touch it again. "F-Fuck, O-Oh-chan, don't... ah, if you do that, I might not -"

"Shhh," Ohno says, sounding like he knows he means it even though he is scissoring his fingers inside Nino again. Nino feels loose, dirty, but it doesn't matter when every inch of him is aching for something more, something bigger than Ohno's fingers moving inside him. He wants Ohno's cock in him right now it makes his eyes sting knowing that Ohno's yet to give it to him.

"Enough, oh please, that's enough," he cries, arching his body and wishing the desperation on his voice is enough for Ohno to take pity on him, enough for Ohno to fuck him the way he wants to be fucked. Hard and desperate for it, for Ohno's cock, and Nino's knows he's this close to begging Ohno if needs be.

"God, are you sure?" Ohno says, still sliding his fingers inside Nino, still scissoring them inside as if he's not at all convince that Nino is ready now, that he can take more. "You're still -"

"Fuck me with your cock, Oh-chan, I beg you," Nino moans, fingers gripping the sheet just so he won't end up gripping Ohno's hair instead. "Please please please -"

"Shit, Nino -"

"Please, I want it," he wails, unable to stop himself any longer as he reaches down to grab the nearest part of Ohno he can put his hands to. "Please, Oh-chan, please?"

Ohno kisses him then, wet and hard and demanding, positioning himself on top of Nino, one hand wrapped around his cock as he pushes Nino's legs apart. Nino doesn't bother letting him go, just put his hands on Ohno's hair and keens into Ohno's mouth as Ohno aims the blunt head of his cock against Nino's hole, and thrusts in swiftly they both groan aloud the moment Ohno's cock slide into him to the hilt.

For a moment there, no one dare breathe. Nino feels the burn subside along with the tentative feeling of being possessed from the inside and out, feels the thick presence of Ohno's hard cock throbbing inside him.

"God, I missed this," he whispers, sliding his fingers through Ohno's damp hair. Ohno laughs, breathy and husky, into the side of his face and grunts something unintelligible when he pulls his legs up and wraps them around Ohno's waist. "Come on, Satoshi; I've waited so long for this, another second and I'll probably scream. Now move," he hisses, groaning, rolling his hips and letting Ohno knows he's so ready for this, for Ohno.

"Nino,"

"Fuck me, come on," he whimpers, sliding his tongue out to trace Ohno's bottom lip wet, moaning when Ohno starts sucking on it eagerly. He wraps his legs around Ohno's hips tightly, pulling him and down and thus making him slide into Nino as deep as he's ever gonna go.

Ohno kisses him in answer before he thrusts in, shallow at first, just to let Nino feel the thick burn of Ohno's cock inside him, just the way he knows Nino likes it.

"Yeah, like that," Nino breathes, arching his neck and baring more of his flesh that Ohno eagerly attaches his mouth to, sucking a spot and making Nino whimper. Soon Ohno's fucking him earnestly, hips surging into him hard the mattress rattle beneath them but neither of them minds. He is holding on to Ohno's shoulders for dear life, catching Ohno's mouth and sucking on Ohno's tongue as Ohno fucks him, harder and faster, moaning into his mouth and calling his name. Nino knows he's not going to last long, neither is Ohno, can already feel Ohno's cock throbbing so hard inside him.

"Fuck, yes, yes, ah!"

Then Ohno angles his thrusts to the right at the same time Ohno's long  artist's fingers take him, pumping him to the rhythm of Ohno's hips fucking into him. It takes only two, three thrusts for Nino to scream his pleasure, Ohno's mouth muffling it a second too late as he comes in between Ohno's fingers, Ohno pumping his hips into him so fast and following him to the edge the second after.

 

+

He's on top of Ohno this time, sliding a finger past Ohno's lips and giggling at the sight of Ohno's sleepy smile gracing the corners of Ohno's mouth. Ohno pulls him closer, gathers him in, and playfully bites his fingers in retaliation.

Nino's not sure how much he misses the gesture, until now.

"Have you forgiven me?" he whispers, even though he probably shouldn't ask anymore. Ohno's touch and kisses are answer enough, afterall. "For what I did?"

"I thought we already established the fact that you didn't do anything," Ohno tells him, fingers carding lightly through his hair. It's a wonderful feeling, one that he hopes he won't get to lose ever again.

"I thought about fucking someone else," he points out, wincing at the way it sounded when it left his mouth and braving it all just the same because he has to. Afterall, Ohno is right; they have to put this behind them once and for all so they could move on without anything holding them back. "even though I didn't go through with it, it's still something I shouldn't have done. Just the fact that I thought about it -"

" - which brings us back to the fact that the reason you thought about it was because you were having doubts about my feelings for you. Because you thought I didn't - don't  - love you, correct?"

He snorts. "God, I hate it when you make sense," he says, biting Ohno's chest and getting an affectionate squeeze on the butt for it. "or when you're right. It makes me feel dumb, dumber than I already am,"

"No, you don't," Ohno tells him, kissing the top of his head. "you just can't believe that it would have been so easy if we simply sat down and talked. Can't blame us, though. We're both extremely hard-headed and stupid,"

"And now what?" he asks, lifting his head from Ohno's chest and eyeing the fucking adorable smile gracing Ohno's face. It's so damn tempting to kiss those pouty lips but he's too comfortable and too damn sated to start another round without ending up collapsed because of exhaustion.

"Now you move back in," Ohno tells him, matter-of-factly. He frowns and Ohno's mumble of, "what?" makes him frown even more.

"I think someone's banging at your door," he says, completely forgetting what he is about to say in favor of climbing down Ohno's body. "Are you sure it's not your manager?"

Ohno glances as the clock sitting next to the bedside table and shakes his head, arms tightening around him and thus preventing him from further moving.

"Positive," Ohno says, shifting them so he is now lying next to Ohno, his head pillowed on Ohno's arm. Ohno uses his other free hand to palm his hips. "I sent him a text this morning that I'm not going to be able to make it to that interview. Told him to reschedule," Ohno says, leaning in again for a kiss.

He frowns again, pushing Ohno's face away with his hand. "How about mine?"

"Told my manager to tell him you're with me," Ohno says, leaning in again and stopping when the noises from outside Ohno's door resume. "What the fuck?"

"Exactly," he muses, "you didn't actually forget to tell our friends that you were successful on finding me and that you brought me home with you, did you?"

Ohno's answering grin is so, so sheepish he can't help but reach out to cup his cheeks, kiss him and thank the heavens for granting him this second chance to be with someone who completes him.

A scream from the outside prompts them to break apart, and he slides a fingertip across Ohno's cheek as Ohno kisses his nose, his eyes, his chin.

"Go on and let them in before your neighbors decide to call the cops on them," he whispers, tugging Ohno close for another embrace before he lets him go. Ohno smiles that one smile that lights up even the darkest room and Nino knows it's not the last time he's going to see it so he decides to let him go, for now.

"And put on some pants, stupid, before you go!"

"Got it!"

He grins, pushing his face into the pillow and inhaling greedily before he forces himself up and off the bed, already missing its warmth.

But it's okay because he's home now. That's all that matters.

"Ninomiya, get your skinny butt out here before I go there and drag you out myself!" Jun screams, banging on the door of Ohno's bedroom.

He grins. "Coming, dear,"

 

**-Fin-**   


 

 

 

\-----------------------------------------------

 

BONUS CHAPTER

 

The awful silence only lasted a couple of seconds before it is followed with Aiba and Sho’s loud gasps and Jun’s roughly-uttered, “Fucking hell?” which Nino simply shrugged off with a grin.

They all watch Nino walk past Jun with the grace of a man who looks like he spent the whole night getting fucked (despite the limping) – with his messy hair, dreamy eyes, and the purplish/reddish patches marring his milky, white skin peeking out from beneath the robe he has managed to put on before he opened the door to Ohno’s bedroom and let himself out -  smiling like a cat that got the cream all to itself.

To his credit, Ohno thinks Nino isn’t the only one.

“Wow, Nino-chan –“

He is wriggling out from Aiba’s arms, where he’d been put into a headlock a little while ago and is up on his feet before Aiba can even begin to reach out and grab him so he could meet Nino halfway, putting his hands on either side of Nino’s hips and helping Nino sit on the couch while their bandmates watch.

Once settled, Nino smiles and murmurs a quiet, “Thanks,” under his breath before Nino is leaning over to drop a kiss to his cheek and murmuring, “Would you be so kindly check if there’s still enough coffee for these idiots? I’d do it myself but –“

“No, I’ll take care of it,” he murmurs back, reaching down to squeeze Nino’s knee and dropping a kiss to the side of Nino’s temple, letting his lips linger for a second longer before he pulls away. “You stay put, okay? Don’t strain yourself, or your foot more than it can handle or Jun-kun will have my head,” he says, gently putting a hand over Nino’s injured foot, rubbing his thumb over the bandage.

Nino grins. “He won’t,” Nino returns, sounding too confident and looking like it too that he can’t help but drop another kiss to the corner of Nino’s mouth, vaguely aware of the almost comical faces Sho and Aiba make from behind them. “because I’m pretty sure he’d very much rather have mine especially after what happened yesterday but I’m sure a cup or five or coffee would be enough to make him think  about it twice. So –“

“Coffee, right, I’m on it,” he agrees with a smile as he pulls back and up, nods at Sho and Aiba’s direction before he turns around, meeting Jun’s gaze briefly as he walks straight towards the kitchen.

 

+

He comes back to the sight of Jun on the couch next to Nino and Nino’s legs propped up on Jun’s lap; Sho is on Nino’s other side and is being used as Nino’s leaning post while Aiba is busy being a pest, poking Nino’s bandaged foot and giggling.

“Stop being a fucking nuisance and help Leader with your coffees before I kick you in the face,” Nino grumbles, giving Aiba the stinky eye at the same time he tries putting his legs down from where they’re perched on Jun’s lap, obviously aiming for a kick towards Aiba’s direction. Jun doesn’t let him.

Aiba points a rude finger at Nino. “That threat will only work on me if you’re not injured, Nino-chan,” Aiba grins, “but since you are, and since I’m pretty sure you can’t even move that leg without – _OUCH,_ Jun-chan, that hurts!”

“Stop talking and just go help Leader, you imp!” Jun half-yells, prompting Aiba to move while massaging his abused hip; he can’t help it, he laughs, amused at how easily his friends have accepted this – him and Nino back together – as if they know it couldn’t be any other way.

“Leader, where’s Jun-chan’s?” Aiba whispers when he’s close enough to take the tray-full of coffee mugs out from Ohno’s hands, eyeing them.

“None in particular, why?” he asks. “They’re all black, just the way I know you guys like them,”

“Nah,” Aiba says, “Jun-chan drinks his with sugar now, though I have to make sure to add more,” Aiba mumbles, then grins. “I think he needs it,”

“Aiba-chan –“ he says, but Aiba is already grabbing him by his elbow using his free hand and turning  them back around towards the direction of the kitchen before he can further voice out his protests.

 

+

It turned out Aiba was just joking about the sugar because now, as his taller friend leans back against the fridge, his arms over his chest while he eyes him, he knows.

“So, you two –“ Aiba starts, then pauses, as if he’s not sure whether it is proper to breach the subject knowing that it isn’t his place nor it is his call to make but he figures it’s just natural. Aiba is Nino’s friend and the two have been friends longer than any of them have been friends with each other so Ohno isn’t the slightest bit offended.

In fact, he’s glad that Nino has Aiba, someone who goes out of his way to protect Nino even though they all know Nino doesn’t need it.

“Settled our differences, forgiven each other, talked things over, made out and yes, we’re together again,” he breathes in one go, meeting Aiba’s gaze straight on. The corners of Aiba’s mouth twitch in answer, as if he wants to ask something else but is doing his hardest to keep himself from saying it.

“Are you sure, Leader?” Aiba asks after a long pause, “I mean, did Nino-chan mention the thing about Kyoto? I mean, about –“ Aiba pauses here, biting his lips to stop himself as if he realizes he’d said enough.

He’s honestly surprised that Aiba knows this part but the initial shock wears off the moment he remembers who he is talking to. This is Aiba, afterall, Nino’s bestfriend, and he guesses it’s to be expected that Aiba wouldn’t breathe a word about what he knew if Nino had asked him not to.

Ohno is certain that that is the case here and for all it’s worth, he’s not that stupid to blame Aiba for it.

He decides to make it easier for Aiba this time, knowing that he still has to face two more people, let them know the obvious change in his and Nino’s relationship despite the fact that he probably doesn’t have to.

“He didn’t, Aiba-chan,” he says, stepping forward to hug Aiba, grateful for him and for his friendship, knows that if anything, Aiba only wants what’s best for him and for Nino, and for that he is glad. “I’ve talked to Tamaki-san himself so you don’t have to worry about anything anymore, okay? I love Nino, then and now, and it hasn’t changed even despite all the craps we’ve managed to put each other through in the past. It’s fine now, okay? I promise. I’m going to take care of him, you have my word on that,”

Aiba doesn’t say anything then but he does folds his arms around Ohno tight, thumping Ohno’s back in reassurance. And when Aiba does say something, it is a little wobbly, a little shaky around the edges that once he heard it, he feels the words hit him right down to his core.

“I believe you, Leader,” Aiba whispers, breath warm and familiar against the top of his head. “I believe you,”

 

+

“You’re not in trouble, you know?” is the first thing Jun says when he goes back out to join the other three, vaguely aware about Aiba’s presence behind him, tailing after him.

Next to Jun, Nino has his face mashed against Sho’s chest, his shoulders trembling.

His chest throbs with familiar ache but he knows that this time, it’s bearable. Nino is here, afterall.

“I was afraid that’s the case,” he says, sheepishly. Behind him, Aiba steps forward with a grin and puts the tray full of coffee down the center table, handing Jun and Sho theirs before he grabs his own.

“Only because you didn’t inform us that you found this jackass and had managed to take him home with you,” Jun follows, sounding exasperatedly fond as he sips on his coffee.

“Yeah, Jun-chan was having a fit last night, in panic, that Sho-chan and I thought of calling the doctor to make him poke him with some tranquilizer or something,” Aiba says. Jun throws him the middle finger in answer.

“Well, can you blame me?” Jun hisses, putting down his coffee mug and reaching over to tweak Nino’s ear as if he can’t help himself. “Worrying about one missing bandmate is bad enough, then that old man decided he wants to go missing too. Surely, I wasn’t the only one who was having a conniption last night,” Jun finishes with a brief glance to Sho’s direction.

“I wasn’t having a conniption,” Sho quickly retaliates, “I was worried. That’s different,”

“You said you were going to bash Nino’s head into a wall if he doesn’t answer your texts,”

“That was –“

“And you said you were going to throw his games, and his TV sets –“

“I didn’t say that –“

“You did, Sho-chan,” Aiba says helpfully, nodding. “You also said you were going to raid Leader’s house next and throw out his fishing rails too for being a moron and for disappearing along with Nino-chan –“

“I SAID NO SUCH THING –“

“See,” Jun says, pointing, as Nino shakes in silent laughter against Sho, fingers tight against Sho’s shirtfront. “like I said, I wasn’t the only one,” Jun follows.

He shrugs. “That’s understandable,” he agrees, watches as Nino slowly unburies his face from Sho’s chest, his eyes visibly red. He can’t help the sudden surge of emotion rushing through him then, finding himself crossing the short distance between him and his friends, and Nino, rounding the way behind the sofa and reaching down to take Nino’s face in between his hands.

He ducks down and nuzzles the side of Nino’s temple, all the while brushing soft touches across Nino’s damp cheek.

“Don’t cry,” he whispers, not even the slightest bit ashamed with showing his affection to Nino in front of their friends. “See, they’re okay with it. There’s nothing for you to worry about,”

“Seriously, as if we’re not here,” Aiba comments from his seat; it makes Nino twitch in his grasp, and giggle, that he can’t help but giggle with him, laughing breathlessly against the side of Nino’s temple, giddy with it all.

“Well, that could be easily arranged, don’t you think?” Nino says when he lets go, “You three need to simply walk out that door and close it behind you. See, very simple,”

“Look at this little ingrate –“ Jun grouches, though he is obviously trying to keep himself from grinning, rolling his eyes to the heaven. Next to Nino, Sho shares the same look, fingering the back of Nino’s head affectionately. “We came here to check on you, make sure you’re still alive but what do we get in return?”  

“Well, as you can see, I’m perfectly okay,” Nino deadpans, “minus the foot, of course, but that’s a minor thing. I’m sure the doctor already told you it’ll be okay in a few days. So,” Nino shifts here, pulling his legs up and off of Jun’s lap and untangling himself from Sho’s embrace. “now that you’re all assured I’m healthy, and will be for as long as our Lord God allows me to, you can go. Please don’t let me stop you,”

That earns Nino a rightful slap across the forehead from Jun and a pinch to the cheeks from Sho.

“You just want us gone so you can take advantage of Leader,” Jun sniffs, though he is pulling himself and straightening the imaginary creases on his expensive trouser.

“That,” Nino says, “ – is not true. Not true at all, oh my god, what are you even saying? What do you even think a cripple man like me could do? I can barely dress myself, oh my god, you have a sewer mind, I hate you,”

“Cripple? Cripple?” Jun points, obviously playing along and god, he missed this – just being around his bandmates, watching Jun and Nino banter while they watch. He can’t help it, he is leaning down to wrap an arm around Nino from behind, kissing the back of his neck and giggling.

“What cripple? Didn’t you just say you are perfectly fine and that you –“

“Right, of course!”

“He’s lying, Jun-chan,” Aiba grins from the other side, arms crossed over his chest. “I think he actually needs to be taken to a hospital, so the doctor can check him again, you know, just to be sure?” Aiba says, “See, look at him. He’s so pale, wow, those bruises on his neck and chest, those don’t look too pretty. One would think he’d been with a vampire, though if not, judging with how  I think he just acquired a rare disease called ‘ _I’vebeenfuckedallnightanditwasawesome_ ’ and he needs to be quarantined for it,” Aiba says with a completely straight face it’s actually pretty hilarious.

“That’s actually pretty accurate,” Sho agrees, very carefully trying not to giggle. God, his friends, his friends, what did he do in his past life to deserve them, really. “What do you think, Satoshi-kun?”

He opens his mouth to speak but Nino beats him to it. “He thinks you’re all stupid, of course. He also wants to tell you guys to fuck off so we can go back to his room and fuck the remains of the day because I’m sure we’d have to go and work again tomorrow. So if you’re done smothering us with your affections, go the fuck home. Seriously. Before I strip Oh-chan naked here and blow him in front of you, your choice,”

“Woah there!”

Nino stands his ground and smirks, reaches over to grab him by the balls much to their bandmates terror, well except maybe from Aiba.

“In three,” Nino says, letting the defiance on his face speak for itself. He grins, can’t not, and nods at Jun and Sho and Aiba, mouthing a quiet, “Thank you and see you tomorrow,” as they pile out of his apartment as quickly as they came in, as if the devil is after them.

 

+

“That’s too harsh, shoving our friends out like that,” he tells Nino once they’re back inside the privacy of his room and Nino is busy tugging on his boxers, pushing it down his hips.

“They’ll live,” Nino says, mouthing his chin and touching him, palming his dick as if he can’t be bothered to worry about the fact that Jun is probably going to give them hell for what he’s done. To be honest, he’s not at all worried but it’s pretty hard to feel that way when Nino’s hands and mouth are on him and the feel of Nino’s fingers around his cock is pretty fucking good he can’t help but moan in pleasure.

“God, you’re perfect,” he breathes, grinding his hips up to meet Nino’s hand eagerly, his mouth seeking Nino’s. Soon they’re tangled from head to toe, Nino’s tongue shoved in his mouth and his hands buried in Nino’s hair, moaning, hips surging into Nino’s hand wrapped around him.

“I want your cock, Oh-chan,” Nino moans when they pull apart to breath, and the sudden request is enough for him to dive back down for another kiss. He’s so hard that it’s difficult to think straight, and Nino moaning his desire is making it even harder for Ohno to bear the want itching under his skin.

He is fingering the side of Nino’s mouth and kissing him, batting Nino’s hand from his cock softly away. “But you’re still sore,” he says, kissing Nino’s temple. “I can’t fuck you again after that. You’ll have a hard time tomorrow, I’m sorry,”

Nino shakes his head and parts his mouth and god damn it all, his fucking hard. “Shit, Nino –“

“Come on,” Nino breathes, licking his lips and running his fingertips across Ohno’s bare thighs, “give it to me, Oh-chan,” Nino says, eyes lidded heavily as he beckons him over till he is walking on his knees and positioning himself over Nino, one hand wrapped around the base of his cock.

“Ah, yes,” Nino breathes, parts his mouth wide enough to let him in, tonguing the head a couple of times before swallowing around him. He shivers at the feel of Nino’s mouth stretching around him, moaning at the sight of himself in Nino’s mouth as Nino swallows him in.

“Ah fuck, fuck –“ he curses, brows furrowed in concentration, working his hips into shallow thrusts, careful not to choke Nino; Nino’s fingers are gripping the back of his legs, fingertips digging into his skin almost painfully but he doesn’t mind, not at all. “God, so good, ah fuck, Nino, you’re mouth – ah Christ!”

Nino hums around his mouthful and he curses yet again, finds himself snapping his hips a little faster and watching the way Nino’s mouth stretch almost obscenely around him. He can’t believe he could be this lucky, can’t believe that it has only taken them a night to recover what they thought they’ve lost forever.

“Ah, shit, I’m going to –“ he hisses, in warning, and tries his hardest to pull away. Nino doesn’t let him at first, and just swallows around him a couple of times he is seeing stars, sensation punching through him like wildfire the moment Nino lets him pull away but only so he could tongue the head viciously. He is coming before he realizes it, painting Nino’s face and hair and the headboard with his pleasure, shuddering as he fists himself to ride the moment.

When he flops back down on the bed next to Nino, Nino is, he realizes, grinning like a man possessed.

“God damn it, Nino,” he whispers, feeling too tired and too sated to move but does so when Nino purrs like an overgrown cat and shifts to press himself closer to his side. “God fucking shit, that was so  hot, I think I just came half of my brains out. Jesus,”

Nino hums, pushing his face into his shoulder, humming. “I love you,” Nino whispers, out of the blue, catching him completely offguard. He turns, gathering Nino in and placing kisses over his face, unmindful of his own come still marring Nino’s skin.

“I love you too, god,” he exhales, hugging Nino so tight he wonders if Nino is still capable of breathing. “Don’t ever leave me again, okay? God, I can’t ever live without you, I just can’t. I love you so much,”

Nino nods and he feels his against his skin, grateful for the way Nino has simply melted into him.

“I won’t,” Nino whispers, and it’s a promise as much as it is a plea. “I promise, Oh-chan,”

He doesn’t answer, he can’t, what with how tight his throat feels like and the fact that if he opens his mouth to talk, he knows he’ll cry. So he just hugs Nino with all he has and hopes it is enough.

But maybe this time, it already is.


End file.
